Men of the World: Please Condemn Sexism and Sexual Assault On the Basis They’re Morally Wrong – and Not Primarily Or Only Because You Have Daughters or Sisters
I’ll admit this has become a minor pet peeve of mine over the last few years: men who don’t or won’t speak up to condemn sexism unless they frame it in terms of their daughters, sisters, or grandmothers.
If you are a man, it really should not take you having a daughter (or other woman relative or woman friend in your life) to condemn sexism or sexual assault.
Just acknowledge and realize that women are fully human and deserving of respect and dignity just as much as any man. That’s all it should take.
Viewing women through a prism of male relation or being ‘owned’ by a man (father, brother, or husband, whomever) and condemning rape or sexual harassment on that basis is itself troubling and sexist.
Here are some links about this phenomenon (and related):
Stop Mentioning Your Daughters When You Denounce Harvey Weinstein
by Hunter Harris
Something happens when a dude has a daughter: Women, once mystifying, vexing creatures with shoe racks, eyelash curlers, and vagina holes become fully formed three-dimensional human beings.
The mere and sudden fact of fatherhood pushes men into a new realm of cognizance: They have to care about what happens to women — but only some, and only if they’re of a certain race, class, or status — and maybe even take misconduct against them a little personally.
A daughter gives them skin in the patriarchal, sexist game they once could look past.
I know this because every time a man is accused of something bad, or when someone he knows is accused of something bad, the same quote surfaces: “As a father of daughters, I …”
[After news of movie producer Harvey Weinstein’s three decades or sexually assaulting women was reported of in the media recently, many male celebrities began speaking out about it]
…If they’re men, they bring in The Daughters.
This is the best that many men in Hollywood have to offer by way of a denouncement: They’re repulsed, as “fathers of daughters.”
Ben Affleck said we“need to do better at protecting our friends, sisters, co-workers and daughters.” (Okay, sounds good.)
Matt Damon denied that he tried to kill a story that could have shed light on Weinstein’s pattern of harassment years ago. “I am not the story here,” Damon told Deadline, and then, right before our eyes, he and Deadline’s Mike Fleming Jr. tried to out-father-of-daughters each other:
DEADLINE: You’ve since been criticized in Tweets from Jessica Chastain and others and been dragged into this maelstrom.
DAMON: Look, even before I was famous, I didn’t abide this kind of behavior. But now, as the father of four daughters, this is the kind of sexual predation that keeps me up at night. This is the great fear for all of us. You have a daughter, you know…
DAMON: We know this stuff goes on in the world. I did five or six movies with Harvey. I never saw this. I think a lot of actors have come out and said, everybody’s saying we all knew. That’s not true. This type of predation happens behind closed doors, and out of public view.
…Having a daughter shouldn’t be a requirement for internalizing the problems of working within a sexist industry. Your wives gave birth to a baby girl, not a moral compass.
… Only a sociopath needs a daughter — or a sister, a girlfriend, a wife, or even just a lady standing in front of him at Starbucks — to make him queasy enough at the thought of a sexual predator in his industry to do something about it.
21 Reminders That Women Are More Than Just Daughters, Mothers, and Wives
Hint: We’re also people.
… Our respect for women shouldn’t be contingent upon whether they’re someone’s wife, daughter, mother, sister, or any other familial role. Women should just be respected because we’re human.
Republicans condemn Trump comments because of their ‘wives and daughters’
As A Father Of Daughters, I Think We Should Treat All Women Like My Daughters
Somewhat tongue in cheek piece (excerpts):
By Mallory Ortberg
[These days, I treat women with respect]
…It didn’t always used to be this way. I used to only have sons. Things sure were different then.
How merrily I used to drive down country lanes in my old Ford, periodically dodging off-road to mow down female pedestrians (you must remember I had no daughters then). Was what I did wrong? How was I to know? I had no daughters to think of.
Before I had daughters — Stimothy and Atalanta are truly the apples of my eye — I would follow women into voting booths and knock their hands away from the lever whenever they tried to engage in the democratic process. Who knew having daughters would change all that? Not I.
Personally, now that I have daughters, I don’t think anyone should do bad things to women, especially the ones who are my daughters. I think we should treat every woman in the world like she was my daughter, except for my wife and my mother, who I will treat slightly differently.
…I’m not proud to admit this, but before I had daughters, I sometimes used to harvest women for their organs to build Liver Pyramids in my backyard. I just didn’t see a problem with it. I sure do now, though.
What if someone killed my daughters just to make a pyramid, or even a ziggurat, out of women’s internal organs in their backyard? I sure wouldn’t like that at all. They’re my daughters!
From satire site The Onion:
GOP Leaders’ Daughters: ‘It’s Pretty F*cked Up If We’re The Only Reason You’re Denouncing Trump’s Statements’
The Problem with Protecting our Wives and Daughters
…Perhaps you’ve noticed a common theme here. Whether this was the last straw or a regrettable flaw, the language many conservatives are using to condemn Trump’s behavior is expressed in terms of women’s relationships to men: wives and daughters, mothers and sisters.
Although thinking of the women in one’s family is certainly a valid reason to recoil from Trump’s lewd and abusive rhetoric, does it matter that it seems to be the primary motivation for many men who hold conservative religious beliefs?
…Having worked with prostitutes and “fallen women,” Southard was familiar with the spurious nature of men’s “protection”:
“When men think of women as primarily the creatures of their sex relationships and of their blood relationships” and deny them any sense of equality with men, “they may love their own women, their wives, their mothers, their sisters and their daughters,” and they might “go to great lengths to please women who attract them and from whom they wish to secure favors,” but outside such circles, “they are rude to women with a rudeness that easily slips into cruelty.”
…Southard insisted that this was not the biblical view of womanhood. The Bible did not depict women as dependent upon men for their protection or for their identities.
In fact, the Bible taught the exact opposite (see, for example, Matt. 10:37, Matt. 12:48-50, Matt. 20:21-22 Luke 2:46-51, Luke 11:27-28, Luke 14:26).
Further parting ways with what would eventually come to be known as “family values” politics, Southard insisted that the family did not exist for its own sake. Rather, it existed to prepare people to serve God and others.
…If Southard is right, if Christians are interested in protecting the rights of women, they would do well to draw on a more accurate understanding of “biblical womanhood,” one that values women as individuals in their own right, not first and foremost as wives and daughters of men.
This dad flipped the script by creating a feminist set of rules for dating his daughters
One dad just offered a pretty great lesson in how to parent as a feminist. Writer J. Warren Welch, who is raising five daughters in a blended family with his wife, Natasha, shared a set of rules for dating his daughters — with a feminist twist. And we have to say, these are “rules” we can get behind.
In a viral post shared on Facebook and Instagram, Welch outlined how future suitors will be expected to treat his daughters.
“You’ll have to ask them what their rules are. I’m not raising my little girls to be the kind of women who need their daddy to act like a creepy, possessive badass in order for them to be treated with respect. You will respect them, and if you don’t, I promise they won’t need my help putting you back in your place. Good luck pumpkin.”
In his caption, he added, “I ain’t raisin’ no princesses.”
On Facebook, the post has been shared nearly 20,000 times, and it’s been liked more than 1,300 times on Instagram — proof that it’s resonating with people everywhere.
Study Reveals Dads Treat Daughters Differently Than Sons, Warns This Could Set Dangerous Precedent
According to a new study published in the American Psychological Association’sBehavioral Neuroscience journal, fathers do have a tendency to engage their children in different ways, depending on their gender.
Citing said study, Fox 25 Boston wrote that fathers of male toddlers were more involved in what is known as rough-and-tumble play, while using words that related to achievement. But it was also revealed that fathers treated their daughters differently, with more analytical language used when talking to their young daughters.
…Study lead Mascaro suggested that dads shouldn’t always treat their daughters differently, as they may also benefit from rough-and-tumble play. Likewise, fathers are also recommended to be more open with their feelings to their sons, as failure to do so may lead to the sons suffering from a lack of empathy when they grow up.
How Dads Treat Their Daughters Differently Than Sons
…Either way, says Mascaro, the results also suggest that fathers can perhaps be made more aware of the fact that they are treating their daughters and sons differently. With this knowledge, perhaps they will pay more attention to ways in which their interactions might be more egalitarian.
And, then there’s this, from December 2017 –
A very good example of why men should not go around claiming to be ‘anti rape’ or “anti sexual harassment of women” on the basis of, “I have a daughter!!,” or, “As a brother to sisters….”
I wrote about the following NY Times Arts Tweet here:
He Supposedly Realized Raping Women Was Wrong Only Until After He Had Daughters and Took Yoga Classes
More on this blog:
On Men Not Believing Women and Being Blind to the Sexism and Harassment Women Often Endure
The James Damore Google Tech-Bro Meme Stating that Women are Biologically Unsuited to Work at Tech Professions (Part 1) – (Part 2)
Examples of Girls and Women Being Assertive at Work, in Life, Women as Rescuers and Heroines
Viking Warrior Discovered in Sweden Was a Woman, Researchers Confirm
Female Coders Are Rated More Highly Than Men – Except When People Know They’re Women
The Biggest Myth About Our Brains is That They are “Male” or “Female” Lila MacLellan
Christian Gender Complementarianism is Christian-Endorsed Codependency for Women (And That’s Not A Good Thing)
Even Warm and Fuzy, True, Correctly-Implemented Gender Complementarianism is Harmful to Women, and It’s Still Sexism – Yes All Comps (Refuting “Not All Comps”)
Bible Passage Used to Stop Women Become Ordained ‘Added Later’, Academic Claims
Why Arguments Against Women in Ministry Aren’t Biblical by Ben Witherington