• The Sexist Roots of Codependency – The mindset that makes many women stay in toxic relationships by Melissa Petro

The Sexist Roots of Codependency – The mindset that makes many women stay in toxic relationships by Melissa Petro

I’ve writen posts on this blog previously explaining that Christian gender complementarianism is Codependency for women – it encourages women to exhibit and practice behaviors that make them more vulnerable to being targeted by abusers, con artists, manipulators, and the selfish.

Codependency can also leave a woman trapped in an abusive relationship much longer than normally, whether that is a romantic relationship, a family one, a friendship one, or a workplace one.

I was shouted down any time I mentioned any of that here or on other sites, though, by people who run domestic violence blogs who argue the concept of Codependency is supposedly victim-blaming, and I’ve explained time and again, that no, it is not victim-blaming.

Notice that there is an overlap between the sexist gendered stereotypes women receive (to be caring, nurturing, passive, to endure abuse, etc) from secular society, and what the church tells women is “godly” behavior that they are expected to possess and demonstrate under complementarianism (eg., to be caring, nurturing, passive, to endure abuse, etc).

I have further commentary to make below this long excerpt:

The Sexist Roots of Codependency – The mindset that makes many women stay in toxic relationships

Snippets:

[The author opens by describing a relationship where she had a drug addicted boyfriend named Mark, who she ended up acting as a care-taker for (she both financially and emotionally supported him), and he exploited that; she eventually broke up with him]

….Like many women, I was raised to believe that a woman’s role was to take care of the home and support her partner unconditionally.

In exchange, I was taught, men were the breadwinners and protectors. Women put their romantic partners and their families before themselves; men called the shots.

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• Nearly 1 in 7 US Kids And Teens Has A Mental Health Condition, And Half Go Untreated, Study Says (2019)

Nearly 1 in 7 US Kids And Teens Has A Mental Health Condition, And Half Go Untreated, Study Says (2019)

Nearly 1 in 7 US Kids And Teens Has A Mental Health Condition, And Half Go Untreated, Study Says (2019)

February 2019

By Dr. Edith Bracho-Sanchez

The researchers analyzed data from the 2016 National Survey of Children’s Health, a nationwide survey administered to parents of children and teens.

Of the 46.6 million children ages 6 through 18 whose parents completed the survey, 7.7 million had at least one mental health condition — such as depression, anxiety or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder — and only half received treatment or counseling from a mental health provider in the 12 months prior to the survey.

• Journalists Suspended Over Their Participation in Secret Facebook Group That Encouraged Online Harassment of Women by Hadas Gold

Journalists Suspended Over Their Participation in Secret Facebook Group That Encouraged Online Harassment of Women by Hadas Gold

Journalists Suspended Over Their Participation in Secret Facebook Group That Encouraged Online Harassment of Women

by Hadas Gold / February 2019

Paris (CNN Business) Several prominent French journalists have been suspended and another could lose his job over their participation in a secret Facebook group that encouraged the online harassment of women.

The existence of the private group was first reported last week by French newspaper Liberation, which said it was founded in 2009. The group called itself the “LOL League” and was made up mainly of men.

Members of the group have admitted that it was used to harass women.

• Capt. Mariner (Ret.), First U.S. Woman, Navy Jet Pilot, To Be Honored by All-Female Flyover at Her Funeral

Capt. Mariner (Ret.), First U.S. Woman, Navy Jet Pilot, To Be Honored by All-Female Flyover at Her Funeral

At her funeral service on Saturday, the US Navy plans to honor her with what will be the first all-female flyover ever conducted.

‘A badass pilot’: Capt. Rosemary Mariner, first woman to fly a tactical fighter jet, dies

A ceremonial flyover with only female jet pilots — a first in naval history — will honor her at her funeral service on Saturday.

By Elizabeth Chuck

The rules were clear when she was growing up: Women were not allowed to fly U.S. military aircraft. But that was not going to stop Rosemary Bryant Mariner.

Navy honors first woman fighter pilot, ‘fiesty’ Rosemary Mariner with historic female flyover

The Navy’s first all-female flyover will honor a woman who helped make it possible

(CNN)The first woman to fly a tactical fighter jet in the US Navy opened the door for more than just women in combat. She also helped them with the transition to civilian life.

Now, at her funeral, retired Navy Captain Rosemary Mariner will receive the first-ever all-female flyover.

• Christian School Complains Eight-Year-Old Girl Isn’t Girly Enough – They Shame, Reject Christian Tom Boys

Christian School Complains Eight-Year-Old Girl Isn’t Girly Enough – They Shame, Reject Christian Tom Boys

(The links to the 2014 news stories about the Christian school that sent a letter reprimanding a Christian tom boy for her tom boyishness are farther below.)

I saw this, or was reminded of this news story, via Ashley Easter’s Twitter (link) and it reminds me of a post I did on my own blog a few months ago, “Gender Complementarianism Contributes to Gender Confusion“.

The little girl in the news stories linked to below reminds me of me when I was her age. I was also a tom boy and I preferred short hair to wearing it long.

The Bible is not intended to be a rule book for what constitutes girlhood or boyhood – and any time it appears to address those issues, it was bound up in the cultures of the era – and the qualities the Bible asks Christian women to have men are not exempt from having.

It’s absolutely a mistake for Christians in the year 2019 to teach things such as women today should not braid their hair or wear gold jewelry, when such instructions were a.) culturally bound and b.) more about underlying attitudes that drove the behaviors than the behaviors themselves.

Above: Audrey Hepburn had short hair – nobody these days has a problem with this or thinks it’s unfeminine

When I was a girl I did not like playing with Barbie dolls, wearing frilly dresses, or the color pink.

When I was a girl, I preferred wearing cut off jean shorts with sneakers, and watching Adam West as Bat Man, and I enjoyed reading my big brother’s MARVEL comic books, climbing trees, and watching the Planet of the Apes weekly television show. The Bible has nothing to say about any of that.

This Christian school, though, would insist that me enjoying cut-off jean shorts or watching Bat Man was not adhering to “biblical gender norms,” and they might even make the admission that it was not in line with “traditional gender norms” (they actually used that phrase in one of the articles below).

As to the second phrase (“traditional gender norms”), I may agree – but then, they would be admitting that their idea of how a girl should dress, wear her hair, or what entertainment she should consume are driven by the secular culture, not by the Bible.

Teaching girls that they are not meeting some Christian’s arbitrary standard of “girliness,” or not meeting some Christian group’s personal interpretation of what they may assume the Bible teaches about girl-i-ness (and I honestly do not recall the Bible instructing little girls specific behaviors or hobbies or fashions to pursue to meet God’s standard of girl-i-ness), creates shame in girls.

• Jesus’ Vision for Masculinity: The (Actual) Best A Man Can Get by Rob Dixon

Jesus’ Vision for Masculinity: The (Actual) Best A Man Can Get by Rob Dixon 

Jesus’ Vision for Masculinity: The (Actual) Best A Man Can Get by Rob Dixon

Snippets:

By now, you’ve probably seen Gillette’s “We Believe: The Best Men Can Be” ad. Launched last week online, the ad depicts several examples of toxic masculinity, including bullying, harassment, mansplaining, and the notion that “boys will be boys.”

For those that may not know, toxic masculinity refers to masculinity that encourages aggressive and violent behavior and discourages emotion and self-control. In other words, masculinity that is both dangerous for women and harmful to men.

It’s also crucial to note that toxic masculinity does not mean that all masculinity is toxic.

• After Struggle with Mental Illness, Megachurch Pastor Fatally Shoots Himself

After Struggle with Mental Illness, Megachurch Pastor Fatally Shoots Himself

As this news story shows, even a church preacher can struggle with depression and suicidal ideation.

Christians, most of you continue to teach a false “mental health gospel” that either goes like this:

“Accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior will make you immune from  mental health problems,”
Or, your false mental health Gospel goes like this:
“Okay, you’re already a Christian, you’ve already accepted Jesus as your Savior, so if you are experiencing depression, or some other sort of mental health issue, it’s you’re fault, and you can fix it by (-insert spiritual activity here, e.g, more Bible reading, church attendance, prayer, etc-).”

(I’ve even seen some Southern Baptists reason in that manner, when they always scoff at other Christians who believe in a Physical Health and Wealth Gospel.)

The truth is, Jesus is not the answer for everything, the Bible is not a solution for everything, and the Christian faith does not make everything right in a person’s life.

Being a Christian – one who led a church no less – certainly did not heal this man of his problem with depression.

Jesus may be great for keeping someone out of Hell when they die, but the older I get, I’m having a difficult time seeing what use Jesus is for earthly problems.

After struggle with mental illness, megachurch pastor Jim Howard fatally shoots himself

by L. Blair

Jim Howard, lead pastor of the Valencia campus of the more than 6,000 member Real Life Church in California fatally shot himself in the head at home Wednesday after a protracted battle with mental illness.

“It is with a heavy heart that I can confirm we suffered a tragic loss on our church staff this week. On Wednesday, January 23, 2019, Jim Howard — a beloved pastor here at RLC — took his own life,” Rusty George, lead pastor of Real Life Church began in a statement released on Facebook last Thursday.