• Expressing Anger is Healthy. Here’s How Parents Can Encourage Their Girls to Get Angry and Show It by K. Rope

Expressing Anger is Healthy. Here’s How Parents Can Encourage Their Girls to Get Angry and Show It by K. Rope

As I’ve noted before, Christian Gender Complementarianism is nothing but Codependency for Girls and women.

My mother was a Christian who believed in traditional gender roles as taught by the Baptist church, and she was definitely codependent – in part because of those sexist Christian complementarian teachings, but also due to having been raised in an alcoholic family where she took on codependent behaviors to try to protect herself.

One aspect of complementarianism – of codependency – is to socialize girls and women to suppress their anger.

Secular culture also plays at that game as well, but churches lay it on even more strongly, and tell girls and women it’s “God’s design” for girls and women to always be sweet, agreeable and smiley, to lack boundaries – so, if you are female, you’re never supposed to show anger.

Since I’ve abandoned complementarianism and codependency, I’ve had to learn how to show anger, and I’ve had to realize it’s okay to show anger – this comes after years and years, up to my early 40s!, of repressing anger.

One thing that continual repression of anger (and boundaries) can do in a person is lead to, or intensify, depression and anxiety.  God did not design girls and women to be perpetual, loving, sweet, little cupcakes who never express their anger, no matter what.

My mother definitely taught me from youth to place a premium in how others perceived me, that I care more about what others thought about me than what I thought about myself, and that I come across as “likable” and “sweet” to everyone all the time – that was a huge, huge parenting Fail on her part.

Expressing Anger is Healthy. Here’s How Parents Can Encourage Their Girls to Get Angry and Show It 

Snippets:

In telling girls to be nice and stifle anger, we neglect to teach them they have a right to be respected

by K. Rope

….The other book, “Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger” by Soraya Chemaly, looks at the extensive research on our gendered relationship with anger.

There is little difference in how boys and girls experience and express emotions, says Chemaly, but there is substantial difference in how we respond. Girls are rewarded for being pleasant, agreeable and helpful.

By preschool, children believe it is normal for boys to be angry, but not girls.

“We are so busy teaching girls to be likable that we forget to teach them that they have the right to be respected,” Chemaly told me. And the effects of that carry into adulthood.

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• An Ex-Christian Explains The Surprising Benefits of Being a Former Evangelical by V. Tarico

An Ex-Christian Explains The Surprising Benefits of Being a Former Evangelical by V. Tarico

Ironically, the atheist person who wrote this, Valerie Tarico, has an attitude of certitude, as she claims people of faith have.

Despite Tarico’s concessions and qualifier on the topic of science, I think she’s putting a little too much faith in it.

By the way: just because something is really old doesn’t mean it’s necessarily wrong. The author, as many atheists do, often slam the Bible on the basis that it’s really old, and they love to use disparaging terms to do so, such as saying it’s a musty old book from the Bronze age, written by goat herders – so all of us should just ignore it.

I’m too lazy to google for it, but I bet that’s a logical fallacy: it’s sort of the opposite of the appeal to tradition.

Is there a logical fallacy called “The appeal to new stuff,” which implies only ideas created in the last ten years are any good?

Because she’s guilty of that one, or else I bet she’s selective in its application: old scientific ideas would probably get the green light from her, but not any really old texts claiming to have been written, or given to humanity, by a deity.

Now, I’m not saying that Christians today don’t misuse the Bible, because they sure do. It would behoove Christians to remember that not all of the Bible was meant for all of us today – some of its content was context-, time-, or place- specific. I do sometimes see Christians trying to apply practices that are 2,000 or more years old on to contemporary cultures, and even the Bible is not supporting that.

Today, in 2018 America, we’re not “biblically expected,” for example, to “greet one another with a holy kiss,” to refrain from wearing gold rings, or to avoid eating pork.

An ex-Christian explains the surprising benefits of being a former evangelical

by V. Tarico

People who leave Evangelical Christianity often carry scars, either from their time in the walled community of believers or from their struggle to break free. Getting God’s self-appointed messengers out of your head can be the work of a lifetime, as Recovering from Religion hotline volunteers and therapists can attest; and religious communities can be cruel and unforgiving toward defectors, even when these defectors were once beloved.

I’ve written about this with Dr. Marlene Winell, who has a full-time counseling practice with clients who are working to release toxic religious teachings and so reclaim their own thoughts, values and chosen purpose in life.

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• When Being Nice Backfires by N. Lipkin

I would say that the following is especially true of women. Women are conditioned when children, more so than men are, to be nice – to lack boundaries, and to be passive, rather than be assertive.

Christian churches who support Gender Complementarianism further pressure girls and women to engage in this highly codependent behavior, which they deem “biblical” and “nice.”

I was bullied over the course of my life, as a child by other children at school, and as an adult by other adults at various jobs I had. One supervisor I had in my early 30s was particularly bullying, and I think my “niceness” (severe codependency) made me an attractive and easy target for that boss, and for co-workers who used me.

When Being Nice Backfires by N Lipkin

We’re taught from a young age to “play nice” if we don’t want to find ourselves in trouble. Being “nice” is a huge part of our upbringing and vocabulary. As we grow older, these early messages can turn into unconscious scripts that impact our personal and professional lives.

The early childhood message to “play nice” is especially apparent in our relationships with others. It is often louder than the call for us to be assertive, set healthy boundaries, or even prioritize our own needs over the needs of others.

But how nice should a leader be? If you’re too nice you risk being a pushover; you might keep an employee beyond their expiration date; you might see deadlines come and go; you might become too close with your employees at the expense of being able to give them tough feedback.

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• The “Five Stages” of Grief Don’t Tell The Whole Story of Dealing With Loss by Nick Haslam

The “Five Stages” of Grief Don’t Tell The Whole Story of Dealing With Loss by Nick Haslam

Based on my personal experience with grief, and talking with others (and I’ve been toying with doing a blog post about this eventually), most Christians are inept or out and out insensitive in ministering to people in grief.

And by being insensitive, I don’t mean to say it’s not always the judgmental things Christians say to those in mourning, but the fact that some of them avoid the one in grief altogether.

Many Christians would rather not spend time with meeting the emotional needs of the person in grief, because, dang nab it, that would actually require putting someone else’s needs before their own, which in turn, means giving that person your time.

And Christians I know don’t want to do that – they just pat you on your head, feed you a Jesus-sounding platitude, and push you out the door, all so they can go back to their comfy recliner and continue watching NetFlix. They cannot be bothered with actually being there for the wounded. But maybe more on that in a future post, if I can get around to it. For now, there’s this….

The “Five Stages” of Grief Don’t Tell The Whole Story of Dealing With Loss by Nick Haslam

Grief can seem desolate for those in the thick of it who often feel unable to imagine a way out of their suffering. But, as time passes, the pain usually dampens or becomes more fleeting.

Understanding the normal trajectory of grief matters for the person experiencing the grief and those treating them. Attempts to provide a map of the bereavement process have typically proposed a sequence of stages. The “five stages” model is the best known, with the stages being denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

While there is some evidence for these stages, the experience of grief is highly individualized and not well captured by their fixed sequence.

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• Only Slim Majority of Americans Believe in God of Bible, Numbers Decline Among Gen X, Millennials (pew study)

Only Slim Majority of Americans Believe in God of Bible, Numbers Decline Among Gen X, Millennials

October 2018

Although some 80 percent of Americans say they believe in God, only a slim majority of the nation’s approximately 327 million people believe in God as described in the Bible, according to results of a new study released by the Pew Research Center.

And among those younger than 50, belief in the God of the Bible drops lower than 50 percent.

…Another significant finding from the study also showed that young adults were far less likely than their older counterparts to say they believe in God as described in the Bible.

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• An Intolerance of Uncertainty is Linked to Anxiety and Depression. Here’s How to Get Better at Tolerating It by K. Wong

An Intolerance of Uncertainty is Linked to Anxiety and Depression. Here’s How to Get Better at Tolerating It by K. Wong

I find some of what follows applicable to religious thought not just to mental health (anxiety, depression).

Many Christians, those of other faiths, and even many atheists, act completely certain about topics such as religion, salvation, the after-life, or if a deity (or deities) exist.

This following page reminds me a little bit of Pete Enns’ work on the topic of certainty in Christianity:

The Sin of Certainty by Pete Enns

“The controversial evangelical Bible scholar and author of The Bible Tells Me So explains how Christians mistake “certainty” and “correct belief” for faith when what God really desires is trust and intimacy.”

I’ve become more comfortable with uncertainty over the last few years and find myself rather put-off by people who claim to understand everything perfectly, who act as though they understand why everything happens, to claim to know definitely that a God does not exist, and so forth.

Being at that level of certainty can make a person arrogant or closed-off to considering other views, or to considering that maybe their opinions or understanding of some topic or another may be incorrect.

An Intolerance of Uncertainty is Linked to Anxiety and Depression. Here’s How to Get Better at Tolerating It

Excerpts:

If you’ve ever taken a philosophy class, you’ve probably heard of the Socratic paradox: “The only thing I know is that I know nothing.”

It advocates for the benefits of uncertainty, a point of view that happens to be backed by modern psychological science, too. Namely, uncertainty “improves our decisions, promotes empathy, and boosts creativity,” says Jamie Holmes, a Future Tense Fellow at New America and author of the book, Nonsense: The Power of Not Knowing.

Likewise, a 2014 study suggests that uncertainty can also be motivating. A little uncertainty is good for you.

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• Assessing Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life by Greg Boyd

Assessing Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life by Greg Boyd

Christian theologian Greg Boyd has written a series of posts about Jordan Peterson’s views.

Peterson has become a very revered figure among certain conservative people.

I myself am conservative, and while I agree with Peterson on a topic here or there, I don’t agree with him on much of what he says about women or gender roles.

I posted previously about Peterson on my blog here.

My conclusion about Peterson is that he’s essentially the secular version of a Christian gender complementarian. He holds what appears to be many of the same views about women that gender complementarians do – which is enough for me to reject his views.

Part 10 (of 15): Who Gets To Interpret The World? by Greg Boyd

Snippets:

In my previous two posts (post 8 & post 9) I critically evaluated Peterson’s thinking on hierarchies, race and white privilege. In this post I’ll address three other aspects of Peterson’s thought that was outlined in post 5, post 6, and post 7.

On the Power of Women’s “No”

First, we’ve seen that Peterson claims that “[w]omen’s proclivity to say no [to men] more than any other force, has shaped our evolution into the creative, industrious, upright, large-brained (competitive, aggressive, domineering) creatures that we are” (41).

Because females naturally want to mate with males who are as high up on the social scale as possible, finding the bottom half to be undesirable (41), they have been the central means by which advantageous genes got passed along while disadvantageous genes were selected out.

Hence, the playing field on which men must compete for mating rites has been getting higher and higher throughout our biological and social evolution.

While I don’t dispute the research demonstrating that women are choosy maters, I’m not convinced women have always, or even usually, had the power to say “no” that Peterson ascribes to them.

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