• ‘My Therapist Won’t Let Me Break Up With Her!’ By Lori Gottlieb

‘My Therapist Won’t Let Me Break Up With Her!’ By Lori Gottlieb

Full codependency on display here (referencing a link, with excerpts from said link, much farther below).

A woman writes into an advice columnist asking if it would be acceptable to quit seeing her therapist, and, if so, how to go about it.

This woman, who is an adult (she says she’s in her late 20s), is too afraid, or feels too much guilt, to stop seeing her therapist.

She says her therapist won’t give her permission to stop going in for sessions.

The woman says her insurance no longer pays for therapy sessions, and the therapist refuses to reduce her prices.

The woman cannot financially afford to see this therapist, but the therapist keeps shaming, guilt tripping, and pressuring this woman to continue on, in spite of this.

So the woman writes into this advice columnist for input on what to do.

It’s clear to me that this woman patient suffers from a huge case of Codependency. She obviously does not understand she is in a voluntary relationship with this therapist, one she has been paying for, and that her doctor (the therapist) is taking advantage of her financially and emotionally.

This woman is being manipulated and is too naive or too afraid to see it or admit it to herself and stand up to the therapist.

It’s further obvious to me that the woman patient who wrote to this columnist has no concept of having boundaries, does not feel comfortable saying “no” and being assertive.

Continue reading

Advertisements

• A Critique of the Seneca Griggs Blog ‘Wartburg Whiners’ (Part 1)

A Critique of the Seneca Griggs Blog ‘Wartburg Whiners’ (Part 1)

Part Two


Update, October 2017 – Griggs attempted to leave a comment on one of my newer posts about mental health, which I trashed. He apparently has another “Wartburg Whiners” blog hosted on WordPress here. (His active Whiners blog is hosted by Blogspot).

I have blocked Griggs under the name and info he used most recently to try to post to my blog here, which includes this information:

name: senecagriggs

e-mail: senecagriggs@yahoo.com

IP: 108.197.214.58


I am mystified at Seneca Griggs’ on-going obsession with, and hatred and venom at, TWW (The Wartburg Watch) blog.

Judging from Griggs’ Archives section, his blog was started in 2014, and he continues to post there as of 2017.

Griggs, also known as James Brown or Megs48 or Buzz English, has a blog, called “Wartburg Whiners,” where he regularly criticizes or nit picks almost every post Deb or Dee publish on their blog, TWW.

I have had my differences with TWW myself.  I don’t see eye to eye with the blog owners or all of the regular commentators there on every topic.

I’ve written before that, to my displeasure, the general flavor at that blog, and at ones like it, leans liberal, left wing, at least in the comment section. (You can read my thoughts about that here if you’d like.)

But how is it that anyone can so vehemently resent and object to a blog by people that are seeking to protect the vulnerable, the hurting, and the wounded, or to call churches to start preventing child molesters from victimizing church children?

“WHINERS”?

Why is a group of people, (some Christian, some not), who are concerned with aiding victims and seeing justice done, being characterized by Griggs as being “Whiners”?

Is it really charitable to call a group of people who want to help the marginalized and the abused, “whiners”? Or could Griggs simply not come up with a snazzier name for his blog, and that was all he could think up?

Not only do many of the participants at TWW blog speak up on behalf of the victims, but many of them have also been hurt by pastors, churches, some Christian doctrines, or by other Christians.

I guess Grigg’s blog title of “Whiners” would include me as well, since I was a regular participant there for a few years, and I still drop by on occasion. Thanks so much, Griggs, for casting me as nothing but a “whiner.”

Do you know how Jesus referred to the same types of people who Griggs is calling “Whiners” on his Whiners blog?

Jesus called them, or compared them to people or things such as, Prodigal Sons, Lost Coins, or, he said he would leave the 99 sheep to go in search of the One Lost Lamb.

Continue reading

• If You Act Like A Victim, You Will Likely Be Victimized – And: Complementarians Ask Women and Girls to Be Small To Make Men Feel Big

If You Act Like A Victim, You Will Likely Be Victimized – And: Complementarians Ask Women and Girls to Be Small To Make Men Feel Big

I could have also headed this post, ‘If you act like prey, you will be treated like prey.’

One theme I have seen in numerous books, articles, television programs, and blog posts I have read on topics ranging from boundaries, people pleasing, workplace abuse, crime prevention, domestic violence, school yard bullying, to Animal Planet channel’s My Cat From Hell television show (seriously!) is that individuals looking to hurt or exploit another individual almost always seek out the most vulnerable-looking target.

Bullies, abusers, con artists, and predators usually do not seek out strong, self-confident, or healthy victims. (There are exceptions, but that is a general rule, based upon much reading I’ve done.)

It’s important to note upfront that my post is not intended to be victim-blaming. I am, rather, a big fan of prevention.

Continue reading

• Non-Church, Non-Spiritual, or Secular Remedies and Treatments Don’t Always Work

Non-Church, Non-Spiritual, or Secular Remedies and Treatments Don’t Always Work

This is not the post I had planned on writing.

I was briefly discussing in an older post that most American Christians and most churches are utterly terrible at assisting most people who have mental health problems (and I’d also add addiction problems, domestic violence problems, and many other types of problems).

In order to appreciate my position on things, I feel a reader might want to read about my experience with depression and anxiety.

From the age of 11 to the time I was approximately 32 or 33 years old, I saw around four or five different psychiatrists, one psychologist, and one therapist, all for clinical depression and anxiety. (I also saw the therapist to receive grief counseling.)

I know at least one of those several doctors was a Christian, though we never talked about Jesus or faith matters in our sessions.

I have no idea what the religious beliefs were of the other MHPs (Mental Health Professionals) I visited.

From around the age of 15 or 16, up until I was about 33 years old, I was prescribed various anti-depressant medications and about two different anti-anxiety medications.

The medication dosages were modified by the doctors when they didn’t seem to be working for me at their initial dosages.

At some point during my 20s (I do not recall the exact age or for how long, but at least one year), I stopped seeing doctors and stopped taking the pills, because the doctors and the pills were not working.

I also halted medical treatment of my depression and anxiety because I assumed God was refusing to heal me and help me because I was using non-faith means (i.e. medical science) for a solution.

A small part of this view of mine was due to Christian teaching I saw or heard that cast the use of doctors and medications for psychological problems as being sinful or as showing a lack of faith.

Continue reading

• Problems with A.A. (Alcoholics Anonymous)

Problems with A.A. (Alcoholics Anonymous)

Alcoholism runs in my mother’s side of the family. My mother’s father, one of her older brothers, and my two siblings are alcoholics. I have always been a teetotaler.

My sister seemed to drink too much to cope with the stress of life. She later stopped drinking on her own.

My sister never joined AA or any other programs, nor did she seek any sort of medical treatment for her drinking problem. To this day, she will occasionally drink moderately at social functions, but she no longer gets drunk as she once did.

My brother joined AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) while he was in his 30s and was a member for at least several years, possibly longer.

I am not sure if my brother feels that AA helped him with his drinking problem or not, because I never asked him.

I did notice that after my brother joined AA, some of his attitudes or communication methods changed, and not always for the better.

The troubling, negative changes in my brother led me to research AA online to see if I could understand how or why AA had changed him so.

I spent a few weeks reading articles about AA, as well as visiting blogs and forums by ex-AA members.

What I discovered from reading this material was that AA was ineffective for most who used it; sexual abuse took place by AA members of other AA members or of those member’s children; the program itself is ‘addictive,’ (in a manner of speaking) which is not good; and, AA fosters a very victim-blaming mentality in some of its members.

Continue reading

• Yes, Complementarianism Infantilizes Women – and the Complementarian Tie-Breaking Vote Doctrine

Yes, Complementarianism Infantilizes Women – and the Complementarian Tie-Breaking Vote Doctrine

When discussing parenting, this post is assuming the parents in question are raising a physiologically and psychologically healthy child.

I recognize that some children are born with conditions that make them feeble-minded or mentally disabled in some capacities well into their adult years, so they will need adult supervision all the days of their lives.

Yet other people, as adults, get into car accidents causing lasting brain injury, or develop dementia, or other conditions, that leave them “kid-like” and dependent on other adults. I’m not talking about those types of situations, either.


As I wrote in a much longer post or two, gender complementarianism is codependency with a christianized veneer, and the God of the Bible does not endorse codependency but cautions against it.

Complementarianism encourages women to think like children, act like children, to shirk responsibility for their own lives, and they usually start this conditioning and brain-washing when the women are still children, if they were raised in a complementarian family or church, as I was.

Continue reading

• Abuse, Codependency, and Males

The last time I checked my “Miss Daisy Flower” Twitter account, I received a Tweet from someone who sent me two links in response I did to a Tweet with a link to one of my blog posts – this one:  “Codependency Is Real And It Can Leave Women Vulnerable to Being Abused or Taken Advantage Of.”

The two links sent to me pertained to boys who had been sexually or physically abused – one story was based out of the U.K., and if I remember correctly, the other dealt with boys who had been sexually abused in some sort of Jewish religious context (by a rabbi or something).

At the moment, I’m too lazy to visit my account, log in, and re-read my notifications area to see exactly what those articles were (perhaps I’ll log back in later and post links to those articles in this post at a later time).

I did ask the person who Tweeted me what she was getting at, because at the time, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t understand the relevancy of the links she was tweeting at me. I mulled it over and now believe I may understand what she was trying to say. Here is my response.

I am a woman. I was born and raised in the United States. I was brought up in a traditional Christian family (of the Southern Baptist, evangelical variety) that believed in gender complementarianism (i.e., a belife in traditional gender roles buttressed by references to cherry picked or mis-applied Bible verses).

As I wrote in an older post,

Christian gender complementarianism is nothing but codependency for women

but it’s passed off by Christian gender complementarians as being “godly” or “God’s design” for women.

In blogging about abuse and codependency, I am most competent – and most interested in and familiar with – addressing codependency as it relates to girls and women in American culture and American Christianity.

All I can fathom at this point is that the individual who Tweeted me was perhaps assuming that saying that there are ties between some girls and women and abuse and codependency is some form of victim-blaming (or sexism?), which, as I explained in a previous post, no, it is not victim-blaming to point out the links between abuse of females and codependent behavior.

I’m a former codependent myself who used to attract users and abusers, and who used to silently endure abuse from certain family members for years, precisely because of my codependency – and I’m certainly not victim-blaming myself!

Some boys and men are codependent too. Yes, codependency in a male can make that male vulnerable to attracting mean, selfish, manipulative, controlling, or abusive people. This does not mean that such males are to “blame” for being abused or taken advantage of.

Some abusers or “mean” people, are, by the way, female! Over my life, in my personal and professional life, I’ve had both males and females use me, exploit me, abuse me, or be rude towards me.

Some boys and men learn codependent coping methods in childhood when abused and carry these mal-adaptive coping habits into adulthood. I learned this from reading books and blog posts and articles about codependency (and some about abuse).

Continue reading