• ACFJ Blog’s Hennessy Domestic Violence Series: Yes, Codependency Makes An Appearance

In this post I will be referencing (ACFJ) “A Cry for Justice” blog links located in this previous post on my blog:

Posts About Domestic Violence at Cry For Justice Blog in the ‘Don Hennessy Digest’ Series

ACFJ is a great resource pertaining to domestic abuse, particularly in a Christian context.

However, as I’ve explained in older posts, I don’t share their disdain for the term or concept of codependency.

As a matter of fact, the blog owners forbid the use of the term on their blog.

Over a year ago, when I left comments on one of their posts discussing the subject in their comments box, over two or three posts I left, the blog’s moderator(s) edited my post without asking me first and deleted all references to the word “codependent” or “codependency.”

Those who run the ACFJ blog feel – based on at least one book or article by a psychologist or some other sort of professional – the the term “codependent” is somehow “victim blaming” to any one in an abusive marriage.

I disagree.

Continue reading

Advertisements

• Posts About Domestic Violence at Cry For Justice Blog in the ‘Don Hennessy Digest’ Series

Posts About Domestic Violence at Cry For Justice Blog in the ‘Don Hennessy Digest’ Series

The Christian blog ‘A Cry For Justice’ began work on a series of posts about domestic violence by author Don Hennessy.

I wish to comment on this material in a future post (that post is now complete and can be found here: ACFJ Blog’s Hennessy Domestic Violence Series: Yes, Codependency Makes An Appearance).

I will be referring to the links below when or if commenting in future posts.

For now, here are links to the content at ACFJ blog:

Don Hennessy Digest – index page with links to the blog series, such as

(Link): 1   Don Hennessy says domestic abusers are like pedophiles – and there’s not much proof they’re redeemable.

(Link): 2   “How He Gets Into Her Head” — an introduction to Don Hennessy’s book

(Link): 3   How the male intimate abuser selects, sets-up & grooms a target woman

(Link): 4   The male domestic abuser is as ‘psychephile’ — a sexual offender

5   Offending and re-grooming: the skills men use to abuse their female partners

Continue reading

• The Female Price of Male Pleasure (response to #MeToo criticisms) L. Loofbourow

The Female Price of Male Pleasure (response to #MeToo criticisms) by L. Loofbourow

I remain amazed at people who continue to ignore that social conditioning does play a big role in the differences between men and women.

Many people continue to want to assume that men are more sexual, or more aggressive, or more “whatever” than women are, that these differences are unchangeable and due to biology, and, ergo, women should not or cannot expect men to behave with respect towards women, or, it’s put forward “that’s just the way life it, it’s not going to change, so ladies, just ‘suck it up buttercup’ and put up with it.” I’ve even seen a small number of women argue as much.

The onus is once more put on women to be responsible for men’s behavior, (to avoid being raped, etc.)

Many of the things women are conditioned and brainwashed into enduring from men and culture are quite similar to what Christian gender complemenarians train girls and women to think and do as well, only complementarians like to argue that God designed women and society to be this way.

The Female Price of Male Pleasure (response to #MeToo criticisms)

The world is disturbingly comfortable with the fact that women sometimes leave a sexual encounter in tears.

When Babe.net published a pseudonymous woman’s account of a difficult encounter with Aziz Ansari that made her cry, the internet exploded with “takes” arguing that the #MeToo movement had finally gone too far.

“Grace,” the 23-year-old woman, was not an employee of Ansari’s, meaning there were no workplace dynamics.

Her repeated objections and pleas that they “slow down” were all well and good, but they did not square with the fact that she eventually gave Ansari oral sex. Finally, crucially, she was free to leave.

Why didn’t she just get out of there as soon as she felt uncomfortable? many people explicitly or implicitly asked.

It’s a rich question, and there are plenty of possible answers. But if you’re asking in good faith, if you really want to think through why someone might have acted as she did, the most important one is this: Women are enculturated to be uncomfortable most of the time. And to ignore their discomfort.

Continue reading

• Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 1)

Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 1)

Many Christians teach that Christians should only marry other Christians. This is at least an expectation or belief in Baptist churches, and I think some Protestant ones.

This view point is referred to as ‘being equally yoked.’

It was a view I used to believe in, and I was taught it as I was growing up in a Christian environment, but I rejected this view point a few years ago.

I occasionally run across still-hopeful, yet very naive, single Christian women ages 35 and older, who have yelled at me online on other blogs (such as this lady), that I am so very, very wrong to say that singles should not abide by the Equally Yoked proposition, and they, I guess, are still clinging to some hope that God will supernaturally send them a Christian Mr. Right to marry.

The sad truth is, I’m afraid, that there may not be a God, but if there is a God, if my lived experience and observation has taught me anything, it’s that this God is most likely not going to send most single Christian women who’d like to marry a single Christian man to marry.

For every single Christian woman who likes to think God specially sent her a Christian man on a romantic walk on the beach, there are full- to- partially- Christian women such as myself, who, in spite of years of praying and waiting on a spouse from God, never got one.

Continue reading

• Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 2)

 Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 2)

Some Christians – normally the married ones, but occasionally the single ones – maintain a stubborn adherence to the “equally yoked” rule, although it acts as an impediment to any single, Christian woman who’d like to marry.

(It’s so easy for Christians who have been married for decades to preach to women single today that they should only “marry another Christian” when they already have theirs.)

Not only is there a severe man shortage in Christianity, but women of other conservative branches of faith are unable to marry, because there are more women than men in their religions.

See:

What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis

How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women

Are single Mormon women “screwed”?

Similar material, secular vantage:

Why Areas with More Men Have Higher Marriage Rates

“Marriageable Men” Are No Longer a Hot Economic Commodity, New Study Says

Christians set up too many, and too high or unrealistic obstacles for singles, especially single women, who desire to marry (here is one example – believe me, there are many other Christian-penned “here’s a list of the type of qualities you should insist upon when marrying” lists on the internet; you can do the googling for more).

Complementarians add yet another unnecessary layer of standards they feel a woman should adhere to in order to marry (such as telling Christian women to not only marry another Christian – the ‘equally yoked’ view – but to marry a  Christian who is her “spiritual head” or “spiritual leader”), which makes getting married for single women impossible.

Continue reading

 • Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 3)

Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 3)

What is the use of the equally yoked rule for Christian single women if it affords no protection for women? (Because “Equally Yoked” does not protect Christian single women from marrying abusive men, or men who are serial adulterers or insensitive jerks.)

Some of these Christian women I’ve mentioned in the previous post, and in this one, were judging these self-professing Christian men by their “fruit,” as Jesus says to do in the Gospels.

These men showed the outward signs of being “true” believers, but they were actually rapists, physical abusers, or sleazy operators.

Look at this guy. He gave all the signs of being an honest to goodness, real, Christian (I mentioned him in a previous, separate post):

Christian volunteer charged with killing wife and daughters, 7 and 8

December 23, 2017

A man described as a devout Christian who volunteered at a local church was charged this week with killing his wife and two young daughters after their bodies were found in a home in western Canada.

Continue reading

• Devout Christian Man Murders His Wife and Small Daughters

I think this news story exposes a few flaws in conservative Christian teachings, such as, this idea that once married, a woman should submit herself to her husband (as though the husband is in authority over her), and the ‘equally yoked’ teaching, which stipulates that a Christian person should only marry another Christian.

I’m not seeing the point or the benefit in a woman “submitting” to a husband if the husband is violent, or in a Christian woman limiting herself to marriage to only another Christian (which wrongly assumes there are plenty of single, Christian men to date in the first place), when there may be less violent atheist men out there for women to marry.

Christian volunteer charged with killing wife and daughters, 7 and 8

December 23, 2017

A man described as a devout Christian who volunteered at a local church was charged this week with killing his wife and two young daughters after their bodies were found in a home in western Canada.

…Canadian authorities found the bodies Tuesday in Kelowna, British Columbia, and identified the victims as 33-year-old Clara Forman and her daughters, Yesenia, 8, and Karina, 7.

They charged Jacob Forman, 34, with the murders.

He showed no emotion during a brief appearance in court Thursday, Global News reported.

Continue reading