• Widow Reveals She Was Fat Shamed At Her Husband’s Funeral By Guests Who Said She ‘Should Have Lost Weight’ For the Occasion by L. Hawkin

Widow Reveals She Was Fat Shamed At Her Husband’s Funeral By Guests Who Said She ‘Should Have Lost Weight’ For the Occasion by L. Hawkin

I’ve not even yet read this article, but I can’t help but wonder, why would guests harass this woman over her weight at her husband’s funeral? What difference does it make? Do they think her dead husband is going to suddenly sit upright in the casket and say, “You lost weight; you look great, dear.” That’s not going to happen.

Most people are grief illiterate. They have no idea how to comfort and support someone who is in grief, and in examples like this, you can see they are capable of hurting someone who is already in grief.

Widow Reveals She Was Fat Shamed At Her Husband’s Funeral By Guests Who Said She ‘Should Have Lost Weight’ For the Occasion

June 2019

A WIDOW has revealed she was fat-shamed at her husband’s funeral by cruel guests who said she should have “lost weight” before criticising her outfit choice.

In a personal essay for Love What Matters, the widow recalled how her husband died in a tragic motorcycle accident earlier this year which left him with severe brain injuries.

Continue reading

• The End of Empathy by Hanna Rosin

The End of Empathy

This issues discussed in this article remind me of this Bible verse:

Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold…

The End Of Empathy by Hanna Rosin

Snippets:

…Americans these days seem to be losing their appetite for empathy, especially the walk-a-mile-in-someone’s-shoes Easter Sunday morning kind.

…Konrath [associate professor and researcher at Indiana University] collected decades of studies and noticed a very obvious pattern.

Starting around 2000, the line starts to slide.

Continue reading

• Christians Combat Depression and Suicide Too; Pastors and Ministers share How They Get Through by J. Law

Christians combat depression and suicide too; pastors and ministers share how they get through by J. Law

Snippets:

The depression rate worldwide is on a continual rise and Christians are not immune.

With multiple headlines of pastors who died by suicide throughout the United States, The Christian Post decided to reach out to ministers to talk about how they combat their darkest moments.  

…Despite the increasing notice of depression and suicide nationally, the resources to help people in the church struggling with these thoughts or feelings are scarce.

According to the World Health Organization, depression at its worst leads to suicide and it affects 300 million people worldwide.

It’s estimated that 15 percent of people will experience depression at some point in their adult lives.

Continue reading

• It’s Not Self Pity When It’s Happening To You – RE: Classifying Other People’s Life’s Pain Derogatorily as “Self Pity”

It’s Not Self Pity When It’s Happening To You – Re: Classifying Other People’s Life’s Pain Derogatorily as “Self Pity”

This has become a very big pet peeve of mine in the last few years.

There are people out there, who, if you go to them when you’re undergoing a rough patch in your life, seeking empathy or encouragement – say,  after the death of a family member, or what have you – they will later refer to this behavior of yours insultingly as “self pity.”

I have run into two people so far in the last few years who have classified my struggles as being “self pity,” with one of these people engaging in that behavior herself, but of course, she does not regard herself writing to me about being stressed or hurting as “self pity,” no.

I’ve also seen people on other sites refer to other people’s struggle to cope with depression, grief, job loss, or what have you, with the phrase “self pity.”

I am not convinced that any and all negative reactions to hurt, pain, and anxiety in life is always “self pity.” I think it’s often not self pity.

Continue reading

• Christianity Did Not Help Me, It Did Not Work For Me

I was a very devout Christian from childhood up to my early, maybe mid, forties.

These days, I don’t know what I am (religiously speaking).

As I look back over my life, I can see that not only did the Christian faith not help me much, but as some of its teachings were taught to me, it created obstacles in my life, and kept me stuck in harmful patterns or ways of thinking.

Supposing there is an afterlife with a Heaven and a Hell, and acceptance of Christ means a ticket into Heaven upon death, that works out just fine. I can sure see how that is beneficial later on.

Christianity, though, did not really help me with very much in the present life.

Any pain, problems, or stress I’ve had so far were not relieved by the Christian faith.

Prayer, Bible reading, believing in Jesus, volunteering at charities, attending church – none of that alleviated my problems.

Continue reading

• What To Say (and What Not To Say) To Someone Who Is Grieving by D. Pogue

What To Say (and What Not To Say) To Someone Who Is Grieving by David Pogue

By the way, where I differ from others on some of the list below: some people are just as close to their pets as some people are to their family, so yes, losing a dog, cat, or other pet can hit those people pretty hard.

It was my experience after my mother died that most people either totally avoided me (so as not to have to feel awkward to be around me or to avoid providing emotional support), while I got a fair share of insensitive comments or unsolicited advice, even from Bible-believing Christians.

Grieving for pets is not taken seriously by a lot of Americans – a lot of them will tell you to “just get another cat” if your cat dies and you discuss being upset about it, which is not empathetic, either. I can say more on that in a future post, if I can get around to it.

What To Say (and What Not To Say) To Someone Who Is Grieving by David Pogue

Snippets:

Feb. 2019

….Your responses make it clear that Empathy Deficit Disorder (not a real condition, but maybe it should be) has reached epidemic proportions:

  • “After our daughter was stillborn,” wrote Wendy Thomas, “a colleague told me I shouldn’t have used the photocopy machine.”
  • “My first husband died of cancer when he was 35 and I was 26,” recounted Patrice Werner. “I still recoil when I think of the number of people who said, ‘You’re young; you’ll find someone else.’”
  • “My only child, Jesse, committed suicide at age 30,” Valerie P. Cohen recalled. “A friend wrote, ‘I know exactly how you feel, because my dog just died.’”

To be fair, knowing the right thing to say doesn’t come naturally. We’re neither born with that skill nor taught it.

Our society generally avoids talking about death and grieving.

Many of us haven’t had much experience with people in desperate emotional pain, so it’s not always obvious when we’re helping and when we’re hurting.

May the following pointers be your guide, brought to you by people who’ve been on the receiving end.

Too many friends and acquaintances want to talk about how your loss affects them.

Continue reading

• Grief Support Gone Wrong: When You’re Beyond Second Chances – from WYG site

Grief Support Gone Wrong: When You’re Beyond Second Chances – from WYG site

The one thing more difficult than losing my mother was the lack of emotional support I received after she died – that plus the insensitive comments and platitudes I got from other people.

I’ve been thinking of writing about my experiences with how horribly extended family, immediate family, online friends, real life friends, and church people hurt me or totally let me down in my time of grief, for this blog.

In the meantime, there is this page, linked to below, from WYG (“What’s Your Grief”) which outlines many of the ways you will be mistreated during your time of grief: you’ll either be ignored, wounded, insulted, or offended by the people in your life who should be emotionally supporting you (and perhaps offering practical help to you) during your time of grief.

I completely related to several items on this page.

I’m only going to place a portion of the WYG article on this page; if you’d like to read the entire thing, please use this link:

Grief Support Gone Wrong: When You’re Beyond Second Chances

Nothing puts a person’s support system to the test quite like a crisis. When the clouds of hardship dull the glare of more happy and carefree times, a person often sees their support system accurately for the very first time.

For some people, this is a reassuring experience, as they find their support system is similar to what they had assumed it would be. For others, it’s a bit, shall we say, disconcerting.

Many grieving people find that changes and disappointments within their support system become a secondary loss. They had assumed a certain type of support would be given and they feel hurt and angry when it isn’t.

Continue reading