• ACFJ Blog’s Hennessy Domestic Violence Series: Yes, Codependency Makes An Appearance

In this post I will be referencing (ACFJ) “A Cry for Justice” blog links located in this previous post on my blog:

Posts About Domestic Violence at Cry For Justice Blog in the ‘Don Hennessy Digest’ Series

ACFJ is a great resource pertaining to domestic abuse, particularly in a Christian context.

However, as I’ve explained in older posts, I don’t share their disdain for the term or concept of codependency.

As a matter of fact, the blog owners forbid the use of the term on their blog.

Over a year ago, when I left comments on one of their posts discussing the subject in their comments box, over two or three posts I left, the blog’s moderator(s) edited my post without asking me first and deleted all references to the word “codependent” or “codependency.”

Those who run the ACFJ blog feel – based on at least one book or article by a psychologist or some other sort of professional – the the term “codependent” is somehow “victim blaming” to any one in an abusive marriage.

I disagree.

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• Posts About Domestic Violence at Cry For Justice Blog in the ‘Don Hennessy Digest’ Series

Posts About Domestic Violence at Cry For Justice Blog in the ‘Don Hennessy Digest’ Series

The Christian blog ‘A Cry For Justice’ began work on a series of posts about domestic violence by author Don Hennessy.

I wish to comment on this material in a future post (that post is now complete and can be found here: ACFJ Blog’s Hennessy Domestic Violence Series: Yes, Codependency Makes An Appearance).

I will be referring to the links below when or if commenting in future posts.

For now, here are links to the content at ACFJ blog:

Don Hennessy Digest – index page with links to the blog series, such as

(Link): 1   Don Hennessy says domestic abusers are like pedophiles – and there’s not much proof they’re redeemable.

(Link): 2   “How He Gets Into Her Head” — an introduction to Don Hennessy’s book

(Link): 3   How the male intimate abuser selects, sets-up & grooms a target woman

(Link): 4   The male domestic abuser is as ‘psychephile’ — a sexual offender

5   Offending and re-grooming: the skills men use to abuse their female partners

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• Christians Need to Reform Their Ideas About Sex and Power by Megan Powell

This editorial I link to much farther below, by Powell, on Eternity News site, reflects several views I’ve held for a long time, one of which is that American Christians, especially the more conservative ones, are really not so different in their views towards gender and sexual behavior as the secular culture.

However, American Christians really like to run about in their blogs and podcasts saying their take on things is “counter cultural” and oh so very different from what they imagine liberals and feminists promote.

My response to that: No, it’s not. The Christian view is not all that different from what they, Christians, believe liberals and feminists supposedly promote or believe about sexuality.

Christians are actually maintaining and enabling the cultural status quo and re-enforcing cultural gender stereotypes and sexual practices they claim to be in opposition to.

I have also noted that strict adherence to traditional gender stereotypes, which Christians promote under gender complementarianism, are not going to resolve societal problems, such as divorce, transgenderism, and other things Christians say they are concerned about.

(Nor will heterosexual marriage, natalism, or the nuclear family “fix” societal ills either, but Christians from James Dobson to Al Mohler and secular conservative think tanks keep promoting these entities, though the Bible itself does not – not as a solution for cultural decay.)

Where the author, Powell, states:

…[we should be] teaching our sons a masculinity that isn’t based on power and aggression…

She would be describing some of the elements that encompass what feminists refer to as “toxic masculinity.” Many anti- feminists, Christians and conservatives misunderstand what the term “toxic masculinity” means.

Christians Need to Reform Their Ideas About Sex and Power by Megan Powell

#metoo shows the church has the same problem as society

A return to traditional sexuality and gender norms will not solve the problems raised by the #metoo movement, because research shows that it makes no difference to the incidence of sexual harassment and abuse.

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• The James Damore Google Memo: Biological or Not?

I don’t wish to expend a lot of time on this topic at the moment, so I’m going to try to keep this brief. Perhaps I’ll revisit this topic in another post at a later time.

When the James Damore Google memo story broke, a lot of people who were defending him online kept asking people such as myself who were critical of his memo:

“But did you read the Memo? I don’t think you read it, because you don’t understand it. You’re saying things that he never said, but you’re saying he said those things.”

Months ago, yes, I read Damore’s memo. It was very boring.

My understanding of Damore’s memo was that he was arguing that women lack an interest in STEM fields due to biological reasons.

Damore believes men are biologically prone to be better at STEM and/or to be more prone to want to enter STEM.

I’m not the only one who understood his memo on those grounds.

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• The Female Price of Male Pleasure (response to #MeToo criticisms) L. Loofbourow

The Female Price of Male Pleasure (response to #MeToo criticisms) by L. Loofbourow

I remain amazed at people who continue to ignore that social conditioning does play a big role in the differences between men and women.

Many people continue to want to assume that men are more sexual, or more aggressive, or more “whatever” than women are, that these differences are unchangeable and due to biology, and, ergo, women should not or cannot expect men to behave with respect towards women, or, it’s put forward “that’s just the way life it, it’s not going to change, so ladies, just ‘suck it up buttercup’ and put up with it.” I’ve even seen a small number of women argue as much.

The onus is once more put on women to be responsible for men’s behavior, (to avoid being raped, etc.)

Many of the things women are conditioned and brainwashed into enduring from men and culture are quite similar to what Christian gender complemenarians train girls and women to think and do as well, only complementarians like to argue that God designed women and society to be this way.

The Female Price of Male Pleasure (response to #MeToo criticisms)

The world is disturbingly comfortable with the fact that women sometimes leave a sexual encounter in tears.

When Babe.net published a pseudonymous woman’s account of a difficult encounter with Aziz Ansari that made her cry, the internet exploded with “takes” arguing that the #MeToo movement had finally gone too far.

“Grace,” the 23-year-old woman, was not an employee of Ansari’s, meaning there were no workplace dynamics.

Her repeated objections and pleas that they “slow down” were all well and good, but they did not square with the fact that she eventually gave Ansari oral sex. Finally, crucially, she was free to leave.

Why didn’t she just get out of there as soon as she felt uncomfortable? many people explicitly or implicitly asked.

It’s a rich question, and there are plenty of possible answers. But if you’re asking in good faith, if you really want to think through why someone might have acted as she did, the most important one is this: Women are enculturated to be uncomfortable most of the time. And to ignore their discomfort.

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• Day In The Life: What It’s Like To Be A Female Pilot At 40,000 Feet by Katherine Love

 Day In The Life: What It’s Like To Be A Female Pilot At 40,000 Feet by Katherine Love

Day In The Life: What It’s Like To Be A Female Pilot At 40,000 Feet by Katherine Love

Snippets:

January 2018

Michelle Knoll likes to think her “office” has the best view in the world.

From her window, she sees the ruins of Rome, or some days, the Northern Lights.

Knoll, 44, is a corporate pilot and her Forbes Global 2000 company’s first female captain. For six years, she has privately flown the company’s executives domestically and internationally to hours- or days-long business meetings.

It takes a certain kind of personality to do Knoll’s job. She has a thick skin (as a woman in a male-dominated industry) and she loves the novelty of constant travel: “The way I’m made, I really crave for things to be different. I like the unfamiliarity. I adapt well to change.”

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• Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 1)

Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 1)

Many Christians teach that Christians should only marry other Christians. This is at least an expectation or belief in Baptist churches, and I think some Protestant ones.

This view point is referred to as ‘being equally yoked.’

It was a view I used to believe in, and I was taught it as I was growing up in a Christian environment, but I rejected this view point a few years ago.

I occasionally run across still-hopeful, yet very naive, single Christian women ages 35 and older, who have yelled at me online on other blogs (such as this lady), that I am so very, very wrong to say that singles should not abide by the Equally Yoked proposition, and they, I guess, are still clinging to some hope that God will supernaturally send them a Christian Mr. Right to marry.

The sad truth is, I’m afraid, that there may not be a God, but if there is a God, if my lived experience and observation has taught me anything, it’s that this God is most likely not going to send most single Christian women who’d like to marry a single Christian man to marry.

For every single Christian woman who likes to think God specially sent her a Christian man on a romantic walk on the beach, there are full- to- partially- Christian women such as myself, who, in spite of years of praying and waiting on a spouse from God, never got one.

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