• Expressing Anger is Healthy. Here’s How Parents Can Encourage Their Girls to Get Angry and Show It by K. Rope

Expressing Anger is Healthy. Here’s How Parents Can Encourage Their Girls to Get Angry and Show It by K. Rope

As I’ve noted before, Christian Gender Complementarianism is nothing but Codependency for Girls and women.

My mother was a Christian who believed in traditional gender roles as taught by the Baptist church, and she was definitely codependent – in part because of those sexist Christian complementarian teachings, but also due to having been raised in an alcoholic family where she took on codependent behaviors to try to protect herself.

One aspect of complementarianism – of codependency – is to socialize girls and women to suppress their anger.

Secular culture also plays at that game as well, but churches lay it on even more strongly, and tell girls and women it’s “God’s design” for girls and women to always be sweet, agreeable and smiley, to lack boundaries – so, if you are female, you’re never supposed to show anger.

Since I’ve abandoned complementarianism and codependency, I’ve had to learn how to show anger, and I’ve had to realize it’s okay to show anger – this comes after years and years, up to my early 40s!, of repressing anger.

One thing that continual repression of anger (and boundaries) can do in a person is lead to, or intensify, depression and anxiety.  God did not design girls and women to be perpetual, loving, sweet, little cupcakes who never express their anger, no matter what.

My mother definitely taught me from youth to place a premium in how others perceived me, that I care more about what others thought about me than what I thought about myself, and that I come across as “likable” and “sweet” to everyone all the time – that was a huge, huge parenting Fail on her part.

Expressing Anger is Healthy. Here’s How Parents Can Encourage Their Girls to Get Angry and Show It 

Snippets:

In telling girls to be nice and stifle anger, we neglect to teach them they have a right to be respected

by K. Rope

….The other book, “Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger” by Soraya Chemaly, looks at the extensive research on our gendered relationship with anger.

There is little difference in how boys and girls experience and express emotions, says Chemaly, but there is substantial difference in how we respond. Girls are rewarded for being pleasant, agreeable and helpful.

By preschool, children believe it is normal for boys to be angry, but not girls.

“We are so busy teaching girls to be likable that we forget to teach them that they have the right to be respected,” Chemaly told me. And the effects of that carry into adulthood.

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• All Career Advice For Women Is A Form of Gaslighting by Ephrat Livni

All Career Advice For Women Is A Form of Gaslighting by Ephrat Livni

All Career Advice For Women Is A Form of Gaslighting by By Ephrat Livni

Snippets:

If you’re a working woman, you’ve likely been inundated with advice about how to ensure that gender double standards don’t impede your brilliant career. 

Assert yourself boldly at meetings in an appropriately low tone of voice, yet purr pleasingly when negotiating salary. Be smart but never superior, a team player though not a pushover, ever-effective yet not intimidatingly intellectual. Calibrate ambition correctly, so that none are offended by your sense of self-worth, but all seek to reward your value. Dress the part.

Inevitably, even in the most allegedly enlightened workplaces, women contend with subtle biases. And so the fairer sex gets the message that we can’t just work. We must also contort and twist and try not to seem bitchy as we lean in.

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• How Very Bad Men Get Away With Rape by J. Valenti

How Very Bad Men Get Away With Rape by J. Valenti

How Very Bad Men Get Away With Rape

It takes one person to commit a rape, but a village to let them get away with it over and over

…Why is this minority of bad men able to get away with abusing women over and over? Because “good” men make it easier for them.

You don’t have to be an abuser to enable abuse, and over the last few weeks, Americans have watched that reality play out on the national stage.

Knee-jerk sympathy for men accused of wrongdoing isn’t new.

After CBS chairman Les Moonves was accused of sexual assault, for example, network board member Arnold Kopelson said, “I don’t care if 30 more women come forward and allege this kind of stuff… Les is our leader and it wouldn’t change my opinion of him.” Phyllis Golden-Gottlieb, who says Moonves raped her in 1986, told New Yorker reporter Ronan Farrow that she didn’t come forward for fear it would derail her career. Comments like Kopelson’s suggest she was likely correct.

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• How Puberty Kills Girls’ Confidence by C. Shipman

How Puberty Kills Girls’ Confidence by C. Shipman

I related to much of this article.

My mother, who raised me to be a gender complementarian, with complementarianism being, among other things, nothing but codependency for girls and women, encouraged me to be a “good girl,” to be a rule follower, and to avoid taking risks. And it did negatively affect my life. It held me back.

How Puberty Kills Girls’ Confidence by C. Shipman

Snippets:

In their tween and teenage years, girls become dramatically less self-assured—a feeling that often lasts through adulthood.

…Until the age of 12, there was virtually no difference in confidence between boys and girls.

But, because of the drop-off girls experienced during puberty, by the age of 14 the average girl was far less confident than the average boy.

The female tween and early-teen confidence plunge is especially striking because multiple measures suggest that girls in middle and high school are, generally speaking, outperforming boys academically, and many people mistake their success for confidence.

But the girls we talked with and polled detailed, instead, a worrisome shift. From girls 12 and under, we heard things such as “I make friends really easily—I can go up to anyone and start a conversation” and “I love writing poetry and I don’t care if anyone else thinks it’s good or bad.”

A year or more into their teens, it was “I feel like everybody is so smart and pretty and I’m just this ugly girl without friends,” and “I feel that if I acted like my true self that no one would like me.”

Confidence is an essential ingredient for turning thoughts into action, wishes into reality.

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• A Lack of Confidence Isn’t What’s Holding Back Working Women

A Lack of Confidence Isn’t What’s Holding Back Working Women

A Lack of Confidence Isn’t What’s Holding Back Working Women

by STÉPHANIE THOMSON

Women are hesitant to talk up their accomplishments because they are often penalized when they do.

…Together, two new pieces of research are helping identify why it’s so hard for women to boast about their accomplishments.

The first study, conducted by researchers at three European business schools, confirms what many working women instinctively know:

While they might be told confidence is the key to professional success, that’s rarely the case in practice.

Unless women can temper their assertiveness with more stereotypically feminine traits like empathy and altruism, confidence will do little to advance their careers.

…While all that most men seem to need in order to succeed in the workplace is a little bit of spunk, women must learn how to master the art of appearing both sure of themselves and modest.

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• Facebook Accused of Allowing Bias Against Women in Job Ads

Facebook Accused of Allowing Bias Against Women in Job Ads

Facebook accused of bias in job ads that let companies target men, exclude women

Sept 2018

​SAN FRANCISCO – Employers are using Facebook to target job ads to men only, excluding women and anyone who identifies as another gender from employment opportunities, according to a complaint filed Tuesday with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

The complaint, the first step before filing a discrimination lawsuit, is being brought against Facebook and nine employers on behalf of three women who say the ad filtering kept them from seeing job postings in male-dominated fields including construction, trucking and software.

All but one of the job ads cited in the complaint were also targeted to younger workers.

The ACLU is accusing Facebook of allowing job ads that discriminate against women

Sept 2018, via AP

-The ACLU claims changes that Facebook made to its ads systems this year to prevent discrimination based on race, ethnicity, religion and other characteristics didn’t extend to gender.
-According to the complaint, Facebook has “consciously decided not to stop itself or employers from targeting employment ads that exclude female users from receiving the ads.”
-Facebook said there is “no place for discrimination” on it

The ACLU accused Facebook of discrimination, saying the company violated federal and state laws prohibiting businesses from excluding women from job ads.

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• Assessing Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life by Greg Boyd

Assessing Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life by Greg Boyd

Christian theologian Greg Boyd has written a series of posts about Jordan Peterson’s views.

Peterson has become a very revered figure among certain conservative people.

I myself am conservative, and while I agree with Peterson on a topic here or there, I don’t agree with him on much of what he says about women or gender roles.

I posted previously about Peterson on my blog here.

My conclusion about Peterson is that he’s essentially the secular version of a Christian gender complementarian. He holds what appears to be many of the same views about women that gender complementarians do – which is enough for me to reject his views.

Part 10 (of 15): Who Gets To Interpret The World? by Greg Boyd

Snippets:

In my previous two posts (post 8 & post 9) I critically evaluated Peterson’s thinking on hierarchies, race and white privilege. In this post I’ll address three other aspects of Peterson’s thought that was outlined in post 5, post 6, and post 7.

On the Power of Women’s “No”

First, we’ve seen that Peterson claims that “[w]omen’s proclivity to say no [to men] more than any other force, has shaped our evolution into the creative, industrious, upright, large-brained (competitive, aggressive, domineering) creatures that we are” (41).

Because females naturally want to mate with males who are as high up on the social scale as possible, finding the bottom half to be undesirable (41), they have been the central means by which advantageous genes got passed along while disadvantageous genes were selected out.

Hence, the playing field on which men must compete for mating rites has been getting higher and higher throughout our biological and social evolution.

While I don’t dispute the research demonstrating that women are choosy maters, I’m not convinced women have always, or even usually, had the power to say “no” that Peterson ascribes to them.

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