• It’s Not Self Pity When It’s Happening To You – RE: Classifying Other People’s Life’s Pain Derogatorily as “Self Pity”

It’s Not Self Pity When It’s Happening To You – Re: Classifying Other People’s Life’s Pain Derogatorily as “Self Pity”

This has become a very big pet peeve of mine in the last few years.

There are people out there, who, if you go to them when you’re undergoing a rough patch in your life, seeking empathy or encouragement – say,  after the death of a family member, or what have you – they will later refer to this behavior of yours insultingly as “self pity.”

I have run into two people so far in the last few years who have classified my struggles as being “self pity,” with one of these people engaging in that behavior herself, but of course, she does not regard herself writing to me about being stressed or hurting as “self pity,” no.

I’ve also seen people on other sites refer to other people’s struggle to cope with depression, grief, job loss, or what have you, with the phrase “self pity.”

I am not convinced that any and all negative reactions to hurt, pain, and anxiety in life is always “self pity.” I think it’s often not self pity.

Continue reading

• Confessions of a Misogynist by Dustin Dandkiller

Confessions of a Misogynist by Dustin Dandliker

(Word Press has unfortunately changed the behind- the- scenes layout mechanisms to something terribly annoying. So pardon if this and future blog posts appear weird or messed up. I don’t think the new “Block” format permits me to add a “more” tag, either)


Confessions of a Misogynist by Dustin Dandliker

COMMENTARY | I wasn’t born hating women. No one is. I developed a sense of entitlement after years of privilege.

by Dustin Dandliker, 2018 – Snippets:

….I wasn’t born hating women. No one is. I developed a sense of entitlement and looked down on females after years of privilege. Misogyny became as invisible and pervasive as the air I breathed. All of my behavior stemmed from an underlying belief that everyone would hurt me and women were supposed to serve men.

Fear of people stemmed from my violent childhood. My step-dad beat my mom, and my mom beat me. Violence at home, bullies at school and ultra-violent action “heroes” taught me the world and its people were a threat and I had better be ready to defend myself.

Consequently, I separated from the relational/emotional aspects of myself. Everything around me – comic books, movies, video games, even church – stressed logic and action to the neglect of feeling.

I was encouraged to stand up for myself in a fight and threatened with rejection if I espoused anything labeled “feminine.” So, female came to mean less than masculine. All I had left after that was cold fear hidden by sarcasm and threats.

I was also immersed in a religious culture that seated me at the head of the table and the household. I never saw a woman preach a sermon or lead a discussion about spirituality.

When I was 11, I was laughed at by a church elder when I pointed out this discrepancy. Deborah and I attended a conservative, evangelical Christian college that literally taught that women and men held “separate but equal” household roles. I believed God had ordered things for my privilege.

Today, I think and live a different way. I have been non-violent for 15 years. ….

See Also:

How Male Supremacy Led to Murder by S. Hendrix

• An Intolerance of Uncertainty is Linked to Anxiety and Depression. Here’s How to Get Better at Tolerating It by K. Wong

An Intolerance of Uncertainty is Linked to Anxiety and Depression. Here’s How to Get Better at Tolerating It by K. Wong

I find some of what follows applicable to religious thought not just to mental health (anxiety, depression).

Many Christians, those of other faiths, and even many atheists, act completely certain about topics such as religion, salvation, the after-life, or if a deity (or deities) exist.

This following page reminds me a little bit of Pete Enns’ work on the topic of certainty in Christianity:

The Sin of Certainty by Pete Enns

“The controversial evangelical Bible scholar and author of The Bible Tells Me So explains how Christians mistake “certainty” and “correct belief” for faith when what God really desires is trust and intimacy.”

I’ve become more comfortable with uncertainty over the last few years and find myself rather put-off by people who claim to understand everything perfectly, who act as though they understand why everything happens, to claim to know definitely that a God does not exist, and so forth.

Being at that level of certainty can make a person arrogant or closed-off to considering other views, or to considering that maybe their opinions or understanding of some topic or another may be incorrect.

An Intolerance of Uncertainty is Linked to Anxiety and Depression. Here’s How to Get Better at Tolerating It


If you’ve ever taken a philosophy class, you’ve probably heard of the Socratic paradox: “The only thing I know is that I know nothing.”

It advocates for the benefits of uncertainty, a point of view that happens to be backed by modern psychological science, too. Namely, uncertainty “improves our decisions, promotes empathy, and boosts creativity,” says Jamie Holmes, a Future Tense Fellow at New America and author of the book, Nonsense: The Power of Not Knowing.

Likewise, a 2014 study suggests that uncertainty can also be motivating. A little uncertainty is good for you.

Continue reading

• Signs You’re Sensitive (the HSP)

Signs You’re Sensitive (the HSP) Highly Sensitive Person

I was talking with a woman on a forum years ago who told me based upon some of my descriptions of myself that she believes I am an HSP. She told me to check out the website by an author who wrote a book about the topic.

Here below I am linking to an article about the topic.

I would agree that many of the things on the list are applicable to me. There are few things on the list that I think are only partially true to me or not true at all. (For example, I don’t think I am overly sensitive to caffeine, which is one of the items on the list.)

As to this item on the list: “6. You can read people really well.”

That would be true of me, but I’m not sure how much that is due to being HSP in my case, or the fact that my mother raised me to be codependent, so that my only permitted form of self-defense she gave me was avoidance.

I therefore learned to read people quickly from a very young age, so I could avoid bullies or abusers as much as I could.

I had no choice, because it was a form of self defense or self preservation, since Mom never allowed me to defend myself if someone got mean, rude, or abusive towards me. That “reading people quickly” was a necessary survival skill.

I think some of the qualities on this list goes hand- in- hand with my introverted nature, though the article below says that HSP and introversion are not one in the same.

I am not going to copy the entire page, so if you’d like to see the list in full, please click the link below:

Nine Signs You’re More Sensitive

People are different and react to things differently, internally and externally. Though some people never seem to be bothered or negatively affected by anything that happens or that people say to them, others have a much more difficult time doing that.

Continue reading

• The Physiological and Psychological Differences Between Introverts, Extroverts and Ambiverts

On Laughing Squid:

The Physiological and Psychological Differences Between Introverts, Extroverts and Ambiverts

In a highly informative episode of Life Noggin, narrator Pat Graziosi aka Blocko enlisted the help of fellow YouTuber Anthony Padilla to explain the physiological and psychological differences between introverts and extroverts.

Continue reading