• Expressing Anger is Healthy. Here’s How Parents Can Encourage Their Girls to Get Angry and Show It by K. Rope

Expressing Anger is Healthy. Here’s How Parents Can Encourage Their Girls to Get Angry and Show It by K. Rope

As I’ve noted before, Christian Gender Complementarianism is nothing but Codependency for Girls and women.

My mother was a Christian who believed in traditional gender roles as taught by the Baptist church, and she was definitely codependent – in part because of those sexist Christian complementarian teachings, but also due to having been raised in an alcoholic family where she took on codependent behaviors to try to protect herself.

One aspect of complementarianism – of codependency – is to socialize girls and women to suppress their anger.

Secular culture also plays at that game as well, but churches lay it on even more strongly, and tell girls and women it’s “God’s design” for girls and women to always be sweet, agreeable and smiley, to lack boundaries – so, if you are female, you’re never supposed to show anger.

Since I’ve abandoned complementarianism and codependency, I’ve had to learn how to show anger, and I’ve had to realize it’s okay to show anger – this comes after years and years, up to my early 40s!, of repressing anger.

One thing that continual repression of anger (and boundaries) can do in a person is lead to, or intensify, depression and anxiety.  God did not design girls and women to be perpetual, loving, sweet, little cupcakes who never express their anger, no matter what.

My mother definitely taught me from youth to place a premium in how others perceived me, that I care more about what others thought about me than what I thought about myself, and that I come across as “likable” and “sweet” to everyone all the time – that was a huge, huge parenting Fail on her part.

Expressing Anger is Healthy. Here’s How Parents Can Encourage Their Girls to Get Angry and Show It 

Snippets:

In telling girls to be nice and stifle anger, we neglect to teach them they have a right to be respected

by K. Rope

….The other book, “Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger” by Soraya Chemaly, looks at the extensive research on our gendered relationship with anger.

There is little difference in how boys and girls experience and express emotions, says Chemaly, but there is substantial difference in how we respond. Girls are rewarded for being pleasant, agreeable and helpful.

By preschool, children believe it is normal for boys to be angry, but not girls.

“We are so busy teaching girls to be likable that we forget to teach them that they have the right to be respected,” Chemaly told me. And the effects of that carry into adulthood.

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• Sexual Assault Victims Who Turn on Sexual Assault Victims by K. Burmeister

Sexual Assault Victims Who Turn on Sexual Assault Victims by K. Burmeister

Sexual Assault Victims Who Turn on Sexual Assault Victims

Snippets:

October 2018

Most sexual assault survivors are supportive of other survivors, but sometimes a sexual assault victim comes along who isn’t supportive. Sometimes these victims are outright hostile toward survivors.

It can be hard to understand why these fellow victims would try to throw other victims under the bus. In my experience, there are a few reasons this might happen, and I believe it’s important for us to be aware of these reasons as we’re having these difficult conversations.

….They Might Actually be a Jerk

Anyone can be the victim of sexual assault. Women. Men. Straight. LGBTQ. Adults. Children. Elders.

And jerks. Jerks can be sexually assaulted too.

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• We Shouldn’t Need Multiple Accusers to Stop a Sexual Harasser By Jill Filipovic

We Shouldn’t Need Multiple Accusers to Stop a Sexual Harasser

By Jill Filipovic

September 12, 2018

It took 12 women to push one man from his perch. Leslie Moonves, the chairman and CEO of CBS, departed the company after a total of a dozen sexual-harassment and assault allegations were leveled against him — six over a month ago, then six more on Sept. 9 after weeks of discussions but little action on ousting one of TV’s titans.

This is how these cases seem to go: One person speaks out, or maybe two or three talk to a reporter.

Only after the initial accusations are made public do the floodgates open.

This cascading effect — that it’s tough to get anyone to speak out first, but appears almost inevitable that more voices will then follow — illuminates some of the remaining challenges of combatting sexual harassment across our culture.

….We now seem to expect that a harasser will have a long list of victims, whether he (or she) is famous or not.

But there are consequences to that assumption: It inevitably makes it harder for a single accuser to have her claims heard.

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• All Career Advice For Women Is A Form of Gaslighting by Ephrat Livni

All Career Advice For Women Is A Form of Gaslighting by Ephrat Livni

All Career Advice For Women Is A Form of Gaslighting by By Ephrat Livni

Snippets:

If you’re a working woman, you’ve likely been inundated with advice about how to ensure that gender double standards don’t impede your brilliant career. 

Assert yourself boldly at meetings in an appropriately low tone of voice, yet purr pleasingly when negotiating salary. Be smart but never superior, a team player though not a pushover, ever-effective yet not intimidatingly intellectual. Calibrate ambition correctly, so that none are offended by your sense of self-worth, but all seek to reward your value. Dress the part.

Inevitably, even in the most allegedly enlightened workplaces, women contend with subtle biases. And so the fairer sex gets the message that we can’t just work. We must also contort and twist and try not to seem bitchy as we lean in.

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• What Kind of Person Makes False Rape Accusations? by S. Newman

What Kind of Person Makes False Rape Accusations? by S. Newman

What Kind of Person Makes False Rape Accusations?

Snippets:

False rape accusations loom large in the cultural imagination. We don’t forget the big ones:
The widely-read 2014 Rolling Stone article, later retracted, about a brutal gang rape at the University of Virginia; the 2006 accusations against innocent members of the Duke University lacrosse team.

These cases are readily cited by defense attorneys and Republican lawmakers and anyone else who wants a reason to discuss the dangers of false allegations. What if a woman has consensual sex, and then regrets it the next day?

What if a woman gets dumped by her boyfriend and decides to accuse him of rape as revenge?

What if she’s just doing it for attention?

Are false accusations reaching epidemic levels in today’s hard-drinking hookup culture, where the lines of consent have been blurred? Critics argue that reports of rape should be treated with more caution, since men’s lives are so often ruined by women’s malicious lies.

But my research—including academic studies, journalistic accounts, and cases recorded in the US National Registry of Exonerations—suggests that every part of this narrative is wrong.

What’s more, it’s wrong in ways that help real rapists escape justice, while perversely making it more likely that we will miss the signs of false reports.

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• How Very Bad Men Get Away With Rape by J. Valenti

How Very Bad Men Get Away With Rape by J. Valenti

How Very Bad Men Get Away With Rape

It takes one person to commit a rape, but a village to let them get away with it over and over

…Why is this minority of bad men able to get away with abusing women over and over? Because “good” men make it easier for them.

You don’t have to be an abuser to enable abuse, and over the last few weeks, Americans have watched that reality play out on the national stage.

Knee-jerk sympathy for men accused of wrongdoing isn’t new.

After CBS chairman Les Moonves was accused of sexual assault, for example, network board member Arnold Kopelson said, “I don’t care if 30 more women come forward and allege this kind of stuff… Les is our leader and it wouldn’t change my opinion of him.” Phyllis Golden-Gottlieb, who says Moonves raped her in 1986, told New Yorker reporter Ronan Farrow that she didn’t come forward for fear it would derail her career. Comments like Kopelson’s suggest she was likely correct.

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• How Puberty Kills Girls’ Confidence by C. Shipman

How Puberty Kills Girls’ Confidence by C. Shipman

I related to much of this article.

My mother, who raised me to be a gender complementarian, with complementarianism being, among other things, nothing but codependency for girls and women, encouraged me to be a “good girl,” to be a rule follower, and to avoid taking risks. And it did negatively affect my life. It held me back.

How Puberty Kills Girls’ Confidence by C. Shipman

Snippets:

In their tween and teenage years, girls become dramatically less self-assured—a feeling that often lasts through adulthood.

…Until the age of 12, there was virtually no difference in confidence between boys and girls.

But, because of the drop-off girls experienced during puberty, by the age of 14 the average girl was far less confident than the average boy.

The female tween and early-teen confidence plunge is especially striking because multiple measures suggest that girls in middle and high school are, generally speaking, outperforming boys academically, and many people mistake their success for confidence.

But the girls we talked with and polled detailed, instead, a worrisome shift. From girls 12 and under, we heard things such as “I make friends really easily—I can go up to anyone and start a conversation” and “I love writing poetry and I don’t care if anyone else thinks it’s good or bad.”

A year or more into their teens, it was “I feel like everybody is so smart and pretty and I’m just this ugly girl without friends,” and “I feel that if I acted like my true self that no one would like me.”

Confidence is an essential ingredient for turning thoughts into action, wishes into reality.

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