• Why Complementarian Women Are Complementarian – And: When Women Enforce Complementarianism

Why Complementarian Women Are Complementarian – And: When Women Enforce Complementarianism

There are several reasons why a Christian woman might become a complementarian.

I will present a link much farther below (from Cult News site) that discusses how and why some Christian women pressure other Christian women to conform to sexist complementarian teachings.

I am an ex-complementarian.

Some women, such as myself, were born into complementarianism.

I was brought up in a Christian family that attended Southern Baptist churches, Southern Baptist churches endorse complementarianism, and my mother was always bringing in Christian-based magazines and other literature into the home, which stressed very traditional gender roles.

(When I was a kid growing up Southern Baptist, I don’t recall the Southern Baptists of the 1970s, or even the 1980s, being as nearly obsessed and insistent upon traditional gender roles as they started to become in the 1990s and later.)

If you become a Christian, and you love God, and you believe that God is your BFF (your bestie), you naturally want to live in such a way that is pleasing to God.

Your church and your parents are telling you that complementarianism is pleasing to God.

Furthermore, complementarianism is conflated with codependent attitudes and behavior by its adherents.

When you are a complementarian, you are taught by complementarians that your only alternative to complementarianism is to become an evil, icky, un-biblical, liberal secular feminist.

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• Southern Baptists Are Having To Defend Themselves Against the Accusation That They’re Becoming Feminists

Southern Baptists Are Having To Defend Themselves Against the Accusation That They’re Becoming Feminists

One of the mis-givings I have with being a conservative is sitting back and watching other conservatives automatically reject any and all grievances raised by secular or Christian feminists (and doing so without honestly weighing if the feminist points have merit or not), or to associate seeking justice and equality for women with extreme, militant feminism, and therefore rejecting it out-right.

There is nothing anti- conservative, or un-biblical, with conservatives, Republicans, Christians, or with anyone, noticing that sexism exists and seeking to rectify the situation and to ensure that girls and women are treated with respect, and given equality of opportunity.

The Southern Baptists Dumped a Predator or Two, but Let’s Hold Off on the F-word

Jul 16, 2018, 1:54pm Anne Linstatter

The #metoo and #churchtoo movements have put SBC leaders on the defensive, as earlier revelations of widespread child sexual abuse by priests did to the all-male Roman Catholic hierarchy. Yet both groups continue to deny that there could be any connection between all-male power and the sexual abuse of women and children.

What a hoot! Southern Baptists are having to defend themselves against the accusation that they’re becoming feminists.

What have they done to deserve this F-word? They’ve kicked out the president of a seminary for counseling victims of domestic violence to keep quiet, and for telling at least one rape victim to forgive her assailant and not report to police. They dethroned a few other predator pastors and confessed to past failures to protect the weak.

This counts as feminism?

I’d simply call it justice regardless of gender—which, by the way, actually is the definition of feminism.

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• Conquering Shame and Codependency – book by Darlene Lancer

Conquering Shame and Codependency – book by Darlene Lancer

I’ve only read excerpts from the book Conquering Shame and Codependency by Darlene Lancer, but it looks to be an interesting and maybe helpful read.

I come from a family that was heavily shame-based. My father in particular was very much into shaming my mother, siblings, and myself.

And I come from a devout Christian family – being devout Christians who regularly attended church – did nothing to halt that shaming, the hyper-criticism, the negativity.

The following material also touches on other subject matter in the midst of discussing shame and codependency, such as domestic violence and introversion.

Here are links about the book by Lancer, or links to interviews with Lancer:

Darlene Lancer’s site (with a lot of material about codependency)

Podcast: Darlene Lancer Talks Autonomy and Codependency on Mental Health News Radio

In new book, expert on codependency traces its roots in shame

Podcasts of Interviews with Lancer on Sound Cloud

Lancer Sound Cloud Podcasts

Topics on that page:

Symptoms of Codependency – Coping with Emptiness

Overcoming Codependent Guilt

Interview about Shame and Codependency

Toxic Shame | Guest Author Darlene Lancer

Snippets:

Martha Rosenberg: What are some of the ways children experience and incorporate shame during their childhoods?

Darlene Lancer:  Parents can shame their children’s needs, feelings and even interests. For example, if a child is told not to cry and “you’re a big boy now,” his need for comfort when he is in distress will be shamed.

A PBS program showed how different mothers of distressed 2-year-olds reacted. Some did not hold or even look at their children, probably because they were not comforted themselves as children.

If a child displays an interest in sports or culture or music and the parents do not approve of it, his interests can be shamed.

… Martha Rosenberg: You have also said that codependency is a progressive disease like alcoholism that leads to physical symptoms including chronic pain and final feelings of being “dead” inside. Can you describe some of your clients’ recoveries from shame and codependency?

Darlene Lancer: One of my clients was married to someone who was very verbally abusive to her. He was clever, manipulative and kept her in a “one down” position.

She tolerated the abuse because it resonated with feelings of worthlessness and weakness she had formed about herself when she was growing up.

Under a barrage of criticism, she would just freeze and not be able to find words to defend herself. She believed her own needs were selfish.

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• Traditional Gender Roles Associated with Domestic Abuse – Gender Complementarianism Is Not Counter-Cultural

Traditional Gender Roles Associated with Domestic Abuse – Gender Complementarianism Is Not Counter-Cultural

There are secular articles and studies pointing out that in secular culture, acceptance or agreement with traditional gender roles is associated with domestic abuse.

Christian gender complementarians sometimes peddle their views about women and gender roles by insisting that complementarianism is “counter cultural.”

Christian complementarians seem to think that the entire culture completely buys into secular, liberal feminism – which it does not – and they seem to feel that they are standing alone to defend people or culture against feminism.

Complementarianism, which believes in traditional gender roles, mirrors secular culture on some points; it does not stand in distinction or opposition to it, despite the many complementarian books, sermons, and blog posts to the contrary.

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• Religious Trauma Syndrome and the (Negative) Effects of Religion on Mental Health

Religious Trauma Syndrome and the (Negative) Effects of Religion on Mental Health

Several years ago, atheist Richard Dawkins made some kind of comment about any and all religion being taught to a child by his or her parents as being a form of “child abuse.” That Dawkins did not offer any caveats or qualifiers to that comment made it seem very obnoxious to me.

I personally do not think that all religion, or belief in a deity is always, or necessarily, or by default, detrimental. It would depend on the particulars involved.

There are many conservative (and possibly some progressive) Christians who would have an automatic negative response to a post such as this one, if they believe it includes Christianity.

Yet, these same Christians (the conservatives especially) would not hesitate to recognize and acknowledge the negative, harmful ramifications of Satanism, militant Islam, or some types of atheist worldviews. They seem hesitant to admit that those who wear the same label as themselves – “Christian” – also at times express repulsive views or practice abuse.

RTS – Religious Trauma Syndrome

I believe this is Winell’s site – or Dr. Darrel Ray’s:

Recovering From Religion

Podcast: Living After Faith

Dr. Marlene Winell joins us for a discussion of Religious Trauma Syndrome and PTSD. Valerie Tarico’s interview with Dr. Winnell. Journey Free Dr. Marlene Winnell’s

The Health Effects of Leaving Religion

…Not every recent deconvert necessarily needs these resources, though. Some who leave religion become healthier than they were before. This was the case for Annie Erlandson.

…Other negative health behaviors sometimes associated with being religious, according to social psychologist Dr. Clay Routledge in Psychology Today, are cognitive dissonance (consistent religious doubts can harm your health) and avoidant coping.

An example of the latter is the attitude that things are “all in God’s hands,” which could potentially keep people from taking action on behalf of their own health.

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• Toxic Masculinity – What It Is and What It Is Not – How Most Conservatives Misunderstand What It Is

 Toxic Masculinity – What It Is and What It Is Not – How Most Conservatives Misunderstand What It Is

I am a conservative. Until about 2 or 3 years ago, I was a Republican (since my teen years). I’m currently un-affiliated with any political party.

While I am empathetic towards some causes of feminists, and although I even agree with them on some subject matter some of the time, I do not consider myself to be a feminist, nor do I use the label to describe myself, primarily because the term has been co-opted by politically and socially left wing (liberal) women, and I remain conservative (right wing).

I’m embarrassed at how frequently other conservatives misunderstand or misrepresent some liberal or feminist views points.

I have actually spent time reading what liberals say on their own web sites and trying to understand their views, rather than only relying on a second-hand summary of their views by well-known conservative talking heads such as Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, and Tucker Carlson.

I’ve found that the famous conservatives often misunderstand feminists on many points, including the phrase “Toxic Masculinity.”

When your average conservative hears the phrase “Toxic Masculinity,” they assume it means that all masculinity is toxic and that all men are bad or evil.

However, that is not what the phrase “Toxic Masculinity” means.

I do wish that my fellow conservatives would stop creating straw-man arguments about the concept of Toxic Masculinity. Stop misrepresenting the term and mocking it – you’re often not even mocking what the term actually means. You’re mocking your misunderstanding of the phrase, and as someone who is a conservative, I find that very embarrassing.

Here are other sites whose authors explain what Toxic Masculinity is and what it is not:

My Kingdom for A World of Such Men: 3 Hallmarks of Healthy Masculinity

By Rachel Asproth

… But what is “toxic masculinity”? Without a more detailed explanation, the term can leave us with a bad taste in our mouths. It can inspire defensiveness, largely because it’s been misunderstood to mean that all masculinity is toxic. But it actually refers only to negative cultural expressions of masculinity that encourage violence, aggression, misogyny, and entitlement in boys and men.

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• This Is Not About All Men. Don’t Make It About You.

This Is Not About All Men. Don’t Make It About You.

I’ve noticed any time a woman (or women collectively) step forward to openly discuss their struggles – especially against “male on female” sexism – immediately, many men, or their female anti-feminists allies, hop into “defense mode” to either insist loudly and often that “not all men” are sexists (or are not sexual abusers), or, they like to try to derail a topic by arguing that (some) women are just as bad as men.

It’s repulsive to me that even situations that are of concern to women, that largely impact women more harshly, more often, or more severely than men, are always distorted and twisted to be turned into how these topics affect men.

Because as a society, I suppose we’re all supposed to care far, far more about men and the needs and feelings and jobs of men – than we are of women and women’s jobs, feelings, and needs.

I quite frankly do not care how the “Me Too” movement, or other women-centric causes, impact men, negatively or otherwise.

My level of concern is about confined only to the area that men who are currently sexist, or who sit around denying how rampant sexism is, will have their eyes opened to how common-place sexism is, even in a wonderful nation such as the United States.

Talkback caller’s heartfelt poem about violence against women resonates with listeners

by Nicole Mills

[Below audio sample on the page:

“Do not usurp my story / don’t tell me what to do / This is not about all men / Don’t make it about you”

Carmel shared this powerful poem about violence against women. Turn your sound on and take a moment for this.]

… But one caller to ABC Radio Melbourne has done an amazing job of uniting a huge number of women and men, who agreed her poem about society’s response to violence against women summed up their own feelings.

Carmel is a psychologist who works in the domestic violence field. She said she was fascinated by how “good, decent men often jump in to defend men, rather than listen to what women are saying”.

(By Carmel):

When I say I’m afraid of men who mean me harm,

You tell me not to make a fuss, there’s no need for alarm.

That not all men are like that, not to stress my pretty head,

Or talk about those other men just look at you instead.

But what of women suffering, a slap, a punch, a shove,

A life of menacing oppression from a man they love.

Not all men are sexist, not all men disrespect,

Not all men are the man who harms what he should protect.

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