• Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 1)

Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 1)

Many Christians teach that Christians should only marry other Christians. This is at least an expectation or belief in Baptist churches, and I think some Protestant ones.

This view point is referred to as ‘being equally yoked.’

It was a view I used to believe in, and I was taught it as I was growing up in a Christian environment, but I rejected this view point a few years ago.

I occasionally run across still-hopeful, yet very naive, single Christian women ages 35 and older, who have yelled at me online on other blogs (such as this lady), that I am so very, very wrong to say that singles should not abide by the Equally Yoked proposition, and they, I guess, are still clinging to some hope that God will supernaturally send them a Christian Mr. Right to marry.

The sad truth is, I’m afraid, that there may not be a God, but if there is a God, if my lived experience and observation has taught me anything, it’s that this God is most likely not going to send most single Christian women who’d like to marry a single Christian man to marry.

For every single Christian woman who likes to think God specially sent her a Christian man on a romantic walk on the beach, there are full- to- partially- Christian women such as myself, who, in spite of years of praying and waiting on a spouse from God, never got one.

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• Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 2)

 Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 2)

Some Christians – normally the married ones, but occasionally the single ones – maintain a stubborn adherence to the “equally yoked” rule, although it acts as an impediment to any single, Christian woman who’d like to marry.

(It’s so easy for Christians who have been married for decades to preach to women single today that they should only “marry another Christian” when they already have theirs.)

Not only is there a severe man shortage in Christianity, but women of other conservative branches of faith are unable to marry, because there are more women than men in their religions.


What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis

How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women

Are single Mormon women “screwed”?

Similar material, secular vantage:

Why Areas with More Men Have Higher Marriage Rates

“Marriageable Men” Are No Longer a Hot Economic Commodity, New Study Says

Christians set up too many, and too high or unrealistic obstacles for singles, especially single women, who desire to marry (here is one example – believe me, there are many other Christian-penned “here’s a list of the type of qualities you should insist upon when marrying” lists on the internet; you can do the googling for more).

Complementarians add yet another unnecessary layer of standards they feel a woman should adhere to in order to marry (such as telling Christian women to not only marry another Christian – the ‘equally yoked’ view – but to marry a  Christian who is her “spiritual head” or “spiritual leader”), which makes getting married for single women impossible.

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 • Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 3)

Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 3)

What is the use of the equally yoked rule for Christian single women if it affords no protection for women? (Because “Equally Yoked” does not protect Christian single women from marrying abusive men, or men who are serial adulterers or insensitive jerks.)

Some of these Christian women I’ve mentioned in the previous post, and in this one, were judging these self-professing Christian men by their “fruit,” as Jesus says to do in the Gospels.

These men showed the outward signs of being “true” believers, but they were actually rapists, physical abusers, or sleazy operators.

Look at this guy. He gave all the signs of being an honest to goodness, real, Christian (I mentioned him in a previous, separate post):

Christian volunteer charged with killing wife and daughters, 7 and 8

December 23, 2017

A man described as a devout Christian who volunteered at a local church was charged this week with killing his wife and two young daughters after their bodies were found in a home in western Canada.

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• Me Too, Sexual Harassment, and the Workplace: Compliment Accomplishments, Not Physical Appearance

Yet another complaint I’ve read or heard from “Me Too” Twitter trend objectors centers around men saying they are now reluctant or fearful to compliment a woman on her physical appearance at the office.

Some men now say they are afraid that an innocent, well-meaning remark to a woman co-worker meaning to praise her for looking nice at the office may be misconstrued as sexual harassment.

If you are a man, rather than compliment a woman boss, woman co-worker, or woman subordinate on her physical appearance, why not compliment her on what truly matters: her work-place accomplishments?

Why do you, if you are  a man, feel it’s necessary to tell a woman she looks lovely?

Why do you assume all, or most, women live to have your validation regarding their appearance? Why do you assume women need or want you to affirm their physical beauty, or to do so rather than praise them on matters having nothing to do with their looks?

If your co-worker Susie Smith delivers a really great sales presentation at your weekly staff meeting, why not tell her so?

Tell Ms. Smith how informative you found her presentation. If you did so, Ms. Smith would probably appreciate that much more than a male co-worker telling her, “I like that new dress you’re wearing.”

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• Men Are More Satisfied by ‘Bromances’ Than Their Romantic Relationships (which lowers the marriage rate), Study Finds – And How Christian Complementarianism Is Playing A Role In This

• Men Are More Satisfied by ‘Bromances’ Than Their Romantic Relationships (which lowers the marriage rate), Study Finds – And How Christian Complementarianism Is Playing A Role In This

I have seen similar articles the last few years which say something similar about women: more women are choosing to stay single and some women are more satisfied with same-gender friendship than they are with dating or marrying men.

One thing that is “sad-funny” about the findings reported in this article is that one thing that is driving these marriage-killing “bromances,” according to the article, is that some of these men say they feel they have to be ‘manly’ around their girlfriends, which they say inhibits them, but they feel they can reveal more “feminine” or sensitive things or aspects of their personalities to their male friends.

(It used to be the opposite in culture, I think, but anyway.)

I find this all sad or ironic, because Christian gender complementarians, from John Piper to Mark Driscoll, have been saying for years now that Christianity needs to be “more masculine,” and Driscoll (and men like him), complain all the time that Christianity, or church, is supposedly “too feminine.”

Piper, Driscoll, Owen Strachan and other complementarians also teach that all men need to act very manly (which usually means act like a Tough Guy, do things like crush beer cans in one hand, love football and spitting, never show emotion, except for anger, to others), while all women need to act very feminine (and by ‘feminine,’ complementarians usually mean be a soft-spoken, sweet, emotionally open, codependent doormat at all times).

But it is that very situation – men feeling they have to be “manly” for their wives or girlfriends, so that they feel they can only confide in male friends over sensitive topics – that is driving these men to forgo marriage to women.

I’ve seen gender complementarian Christians who get upset, yell, and scream that more and more Christian singles are staying single; they are upset because they think all Christians should marry, and marry very young.

Meanwhile, it’s the complementarian insistence on biblical gender roles – that men must be very “manly mannish”and conform to some kind of  Tough Guy Christianity, and which teaches that God only wired women to be emotional and sensitive – that is playing a role in the dynamic why singles are staying single.

Complementarians, for those of you who notice that the marriage rates are declining, and you’re upset by this, you need to go look in the mirror for who to blame for it, because it’s the very gender role nonsense you peddle to Christians and the public which is encouraging all this.

(Link): Men Are More Satisfied by ‘Bromances’ Than Their Romantic Relationships, Study Finds

by Amanda MacMillan, October 2017

Young men get more emotional satisfaction out of “bromances”—close, heterosexual friendships with other males—than they do out of romantic relationships with women, according to a small new study published in Men and Masculinities.

Intimate male friendships have become more socially acceptable in recent years, say the study authors, and that’s largely a good thing. But they caution that the shift could lead to weaker bonds among dating or married couples, or even reduce the likelihood of men and women pairing up at all.

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• You’re At Your Job To Do A Job – Not Flirt And Get Dates – Regarding the Backlash Over the “Me Too” Sexual Harassment Awareness Movement

You’re At Your Job To Do A Job – Not Flirt And Get Dates – Regarding the Backlash Over the “Me Too” Sexual Harassment Awareness Movement

(Part 2: Me Too, Sexual Harassment and the Workplace: Compliment Accomplishments, Not Physical Appearance)

There is so much stupidity or apparent willful ignorance in criticisms of the “Me Too” movement that I can hardly keep up with them all.

One of the several recurrent criticisms of the “Me Too” sexual harassment phenomenon that keeps coming up online or on television news programs are by people who are worried that people no longer feel comfortable flirting in the workplace.

How will people ever get dates or get married if all workplace flirting is verboten, they ask?

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• Rachel Nichols, Misandry, Agnosticism, and Good Christian Bitches

Rachel Nichols, Misandry, Agnosticism, and Good Christian Bitches

This is not the type of blog where I want to talk about personalities, but I’ve done so a few times before.

My preference is to discuss subject matter (such as complementarianism or mental health issues).

There was a television show that aired a few years ago called “Good Christian Bitches.” Some conservatives saw it as being an “anti conservative” program.

Here is a little bit about that show:

The dramedy, based on Kim Gatlin’s novel of the same name, will be brought to life by famed “Sex and the City” and “90210” executive producer Darren Star. The plot centers on the life of reformed “mean girl” Amanda, played by “Talladega Nights” actress Leslie Bibb, who returns to her hometown of Dallas to find herself fodder for malicious gossip from the women in the Christian community.

…“I find the title offensive. I don’t think those two words should be combined,” she said. “A show like this can damage perceptions [of Christians in this country].”

Unfortunately, some women who profess Christ are in fact … bitches.

They act bitchy, though they normally do so with a fake smile on their faces. I see this online, as well.

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