• Gender Complementarianism Contributes to Gender Confusion

 Gender Complementarianism Contributes to Gender Confusion

In the past year or so, I’ve seen headlines go through my social media feed indicating that Christian gender complementarians believe that not only can complementarianism fight abortion, high divorce rates, and everything in between, but they believe that complementarianism – strictly defined and enforced gender roles – is the solution for gender confusion.

I guess under “gender confusion” they mainly have in mind transgenderism and maybe the concept of gender fluidity.

Rather than clarify matters, gender complementarianism creates gender confusion.

First of all, who or what says what is masculine or what is feminine?

Many complementarians – and people in secular culture – seem to define behaviors such as watching NFL football or assertiveness as being “masculine.”

But I have a female friend and an Aunt, both hetero women, who like football. So who says football is inherently masculine? Or that only men can or should enjoy it?

I used to work with a man who hated NFL and most sports. He told me he loathed being around guys who were sports-heads and never discussed anything but. And he was a “straight” guy (he later married a woman and had a son with her).

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• Friendship as a Foundation: Moving Beyond Bill Hybels and Anxious Egalitarianism Pt 2 by Dan Brennan

The following article by Mr. Brennan also discusses the sexist, ridiculous, anti-singles, ineffective, Billy Graham Rule (aka the “Mike Pence” rule):

Friendship as a Foundation: Moving Beyond Bill Hybels and Anxious Egalitarianism Pt 2


…Three weeks ago, virtually any red-blooded American egalitarian would have ascribed so much “power” to what they thought was a “healthy” egalitarian model led by Hybels [Hybels is now in trouble for allegedly acting inappropriately towards women who worked with him at his church].

Now we know, with all this stuff coming out—there was a lot of psychological social sexist ministry happening under his leadership that was happening underneath the surface egalitarianism.

… One of the biggest reasons we are here is that Willow Creek egalitarianism never took a woman’s intimate personal power in friendship, seriously.

… Before #MeToo, both complementarians and egalitarians paid lip service to women’s intimate personal power in non-romantic relationships.

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• A Letter to Pastors in the Age of #ChurchToo By Maggie Konstanski

A Letter to Pastors in the Age of #ChurchToo By Maggie Konstanski

A few highlights from that page:

… While I have personally found God’s redemption and love for women in these difficult biblical stories, I know countless women who remain frustrated and confused about how God views women.

… Women’s experiences with violence and marginalization inform how we read the Bible; how we relate to God; and how we interact with our brothers.

And for survivors of violence, the church’s unbiblical teachings on gender roles are confusing and harmful.

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• Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 1)

Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 1)

Many Christians teach that Christians should only marry other Christians. This is at least an expectation or belief in Baptist churches, and I think some Protestant ones.

This view point is referred to as ‘being equally yoked.’

It was a view I used to believe in, and I was taught it as I was growing up in a Christian environment, but I rejected this view point a few years ago.

I occasionally run across still-hopeful, yet very naive, single Christian women ages 35 and older, who have yelled at me online on other blogs (such as this lady), that I am so very, very wrong to say that singles should not abide by the Equally Yoked proposition, and they, I guess, are still clinging to some hope that God will supernaturally send them a Christian Mr. Right to marry.

The sad truth is, I’m afraid, that there may not be a God, but if there is a God, if my lived experience and observation has taught me anything, it’s that this God is most likely not going to send most single Christian women who’d like to marry a single Christian man to marry.

For every single Christian woman who likes to think God specially sent her a Christian man on a romantic walk on the beach, there are full- to- partially- Christian women such as myself, who, in spite of years of praying and waiting on a spouse from God, never got one.

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• Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 2)

 Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 2)

Some Christians – normally the married ones, but occasionally the single ones – maintain a stubborn adherence to the “equally yoked” rule, although it acts as an impediment to any single, Christian woman who’d like to marry.

(It’s so easy for Christians who have been married for decades to preach to women single today that they should only “marry another Christian” when they already have theirs.)

Not only is there a severe man shortage in Christianity, but women of other conservative branches of faith are unable to marry, because there are more women than men in their religions.


What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis

How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women

Are single Mormon women “screwed”?

Similar material, secular vantage:

Why Areas with More Men Have Higher Marriage Rates

“Marriageable Men” Are No Longer a Hot Economic Commodity, New Study Says

Christians set up too many, and too high or unrealistic obstacles for singles, especially single women, who desire to marry (here is one example – believe me, there are many other Christian-penned “here’s a list of the type of qualities you should insist upon when marrying” lists on the internet; you can do the googling for more).

Complementarians add yet another unnecessary layer of standards they feel a woman should adhere to in order to marry (such as telling Christian women to not only marry another Christian – the ‘equally yoked’ view – but to marry a  Christian who is her “spiritual head” or “spiritual leader”), which makes getting married for single women impossible.

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 • Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 3)

Equally Yoked Teaching, Complementarianism, Christianity, and Singleness (part 3)

What is the use of the equally yoked rule for Christian single women if it affords no protection for women? (Because “Equally Yoked” does not protect Christian single women from marrying abusive men, or men who are serial adulterers or insensitive jerks.)

Some of these Christian women I’ve mentioned in the previous post, and in this one, were judging these self-professing Christian men by their “fruit,” as Jesus says to do in the Gospels.

These men showed the outward signs of being “true” believers, but they were actually rapists, physical abusers, or sleazy operators.

Look at this guy. He gave all the signs of being an honest to goodness, real, Christian (I mentioned him in a previous, separate post):

Christian volunteer charged with killing wife and daughters, 7 and 8

December 23, 2017

A man described as a devout Christian who volunteered at a local church was charged this week with killing his wife and two young daughters after their bodies were found in a home in western Canada.

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• Me Too, Sexual Harassment, and the Workplace: Compliment Accomplishments, Not Physical Appearance

Yet another complaint I’ve read or heard from “Me Too” Twitter trend objectors centers around men saying they are now reluctant or fearful to compliment a woman on her physical appearance at the office.

Some men now say they are afraid that an innocent, well-meaning remark to a woman co-worker meaning to praise her for looking nice at the office may be misconstrued as sexual harassment.

If you are a man, rather than compliment a woman boss, woman co-worker, or woman subordinate on her physical appearance, why not compliment her on what truly matters: her work-place accomplishments?

Why do you, if you are  a man, feel it’s necessary to tell a woman she looks lovely?

Why do you assume all, or most, women live to have your validation regarding their appearance? Why do you assume women need or want you to affirm their physical beauty, or to do so rather than praise them on matters having nothing to do with their looks?

If your co-worker Susie Smith delivers a really great sales presentation at your weekly staff meeting, why not tell her so?

Tell Ms. Smith how informative you found her presentation. If you did so, Ms. Smith would probably appreciate that much more than a male co-worker telling her, “I like that new dress you’re wearing.”

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